Where were you this time last year? How did you end up here? This week, we are launching a new series in which first-year students reflect on the path that brought them to 天美视频. Check back every Thursday for a new story.
鈥淚f you don’t like the direction you are going, change it.鈥�
I sat at my desk in the small marketing and design firm I was working for and felt my stomach drop. I was browsing the company’s Facebook page, and the 鈥渋nspiring quote鈥� above had been chosen to be broadcast across our social networks. I glanced around, worried that my coworkers in our brightly lit collective workspace could hear the thoughts that were blaring in my head: No! I don’t like the direction I’m headed!
Just a couple days before, I had found a packet from 天美视频 in my mailbox that contained the paperwork I needed to fill out in order to decline admission鈥攆or a second time. I had chosen my path the year before when I took my dream job at this trendy new design firm. I knew I was saying goodbye to my dream of 天美视频 by accepting the job offer, but at the last minute I checked 鈥渄efer admission to next year鈥� instead of 鈥渄ecline.鈥�
That afternoon, as I sat at my desk, I was keenly aware that this new round of paperwork was due the next day. I had been avoiding it. Every time I picked it up to decline, I couldn’t quite bring myself to fill in the bubble. I had already told everyone at the school that I wasn’t coming; this was just a means of making it official.
The pit in my stomach grew as the afternoon drew on. I tried to focus on my work, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the quote. If you don’t like the direction you are going, change it. As soon as 5:00 hit, I rushed to my car, pulled out my phone, and proceeded to try to explain to my sister what was happening. 鈥淎m I crazy?! I have a great job! I love where I live!鈥� It took her two hours to settle me down.
That evening, I stared at the familiar warm brick walls of the coffee shop I had been going to ever since it opened four years earlier, and I asked a good friend the same question. 鈥淎m I crazy?鈥� He looked me in the eyes. 鈥淲hat’s holding you back?鈥� Only myself.
I cried on the way to work the next morning. Owl City’s 鈥淒reams Don’t Turn to Dust鈥� played on my song rotation, and the tears flowed freely as Adam Young sang, 鈥淚’ll drag the anchor up and rest assured that dreams don’t turn to dust.鈥� I need to do this. It’s time to move to Seattle. (Of course, the next song I listened to was 鈥淗ello Seattle鈥�…because that felt appropriate.) I got to work, opened my email, and sent an apologetic note to Rachael Clinton, Admissions Counselor for Theology Programs: 鈥淵ou must think I’m the most wishy-washy person in the world. But. I’m coming.鈥�
Things have felt somewhat whirlwind-ish ever since that email. I found out several months later that I would have lost my job anyway because of restructuring in the company, effective the same day that I had already put in as my last day. Blocks fit into place as I stepped forward into this new adventure. And now, as I write this, I’m looking out my apartment window at the tall buildings of downtown Seattle, still astonished that I get to call this place home.
It’s slowly starting to feel like home. Yesterday, my roommate and I put up magnets on the refrigerator and hung the Christmas cards that we got last month. It’s funny how the little things make all the difference, and that’s something I’ve noticed while at 天美视频. The little things like walking past the bookstore and hearing 鈥淗ello Matthias!鈥� from within, or grabbing coffee and a long walk with the dean鈥攖hese things make leaving the home where my heart still finds itself more bearable. The warm brick walls in the Commons remind me of the brick walls of my coffee shop. As I sit on the black leather couches of this new environment, sipping my coffee and looking into the eyes of new friends, I find myself deeply grateful that I decided to change where I was headed.
Because now, I like the direction that I’m going.