I鈥檓 one of the many that became fascinated by the podcast after a friend recommended it. Then, when listening to Episode 5 (鈥淭he Things We Do to Women鈥�), I was surprised to hear a familiar voice: my colleague Dr. Rose Madrid-Swetman. Dr. Madrid-Swetman, the Northwest Regional Leader of the denomination and an adjunct faculty member at 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology, shared about her experience providing pastoral care for people who had left Mars Hill.

Listening to The Rise and Fall podcast brought to mind so many of the concepts that Dr. Rose Madrid-Swetman teaches in our shared project, Certificate in Resilient Service at 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology. As the researcher for this program, I wanted to hear more about her experience about what hurts and helps Christian leaders who are trying to avoid the pitfalls of abusive leadership and structures.

Andrea: When Mike Cosper called and asked to interview you for this podcast, what compelled you to say yes?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: I thought it was important to tell the story. As a female pastor in the city of Seattle, I was constantly hearing the stories of women being traumatized by the toxic theology and culture of Mars Hill Church. My hope is the church universal can listen to the people that have been harmed and learn from stories like that of Mars Hill. If we are willing to hear, there is so much to learn.

Andrea: Clearly, Mars Hill is a visible example of church dysfunction, but it鈥檚 far from the only church to struggle like this. How have you seen similar dynamics play out in other churches with other leaders?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: This is true. Mark is not an anomaly. What happened at Mars Hill has played out over and over again in both small and large churches. The West鈥檚 industrial religious complex is designed to produce and reward leaders who misuse their power like this. As I was teaching leadership classes at 天美视频, I would tell my students that Mars Hill is an excellent case study in this kind of abuse of power that is enabled by some churches.

Andrea: Part of what drew my compassion in this podcast was the hurt experienced by other leaders at Mars Hill as they were drawn in by Driscoll. Cosper concludes that many of these leaders (who were almost exclusively men) were drawn to Driscoll due to experiences way back in their childhoods. What would you tell a leader who wants to be aware of their vulnerabilities to manipulation from those who lead them and those who they lead?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: I would say you have to know your story, you have to do a deep dive into the impact of your early years and understand how you were formed in your family. That process brings a self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses鈥攁nd also an awareness of how you repeat, in the present, patterns of relating that you learned in your family. By understanding and working through how you were formed in your family, you learn how you could be vulnerable to manipulation or how you are set up to lead from your weaknesses, often causing harm.

Andrea: Another Mars Hill dynamic that Cosper draws out is the echo chamber it created for leaders. It struck me how much the leaders around Driscoll would have been helped by receiving more outside perspectives. Leadership in the church is often isolating, so how can leaders find that kind of perspective and support?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: This is important. I think all leaders need a community of people outside of their church who they get input from鈥攑eople they can be completely real with. That could be peers from other denominations, a therapist, a spiritual director or a mentor that you trust. Leaders need safe spaces to reflect vulnerably. Mars Hill had a closed system, theologically and socially. When you are in a closed system, vulnerability is too risky. I think leaders begin to internalize so many emotions that they cannot name. I have seen this in leaders who are struggling, feeling like they are not enough, and also with leaders like Mark who seem to have it all. I was part of a group that met with Mark in 2006 to discuss his public vitriolic speech about women; in talking with us, his defense about why he did not have mentors was that every person who he went to for mentoring ended up being jealous of him. I suggested he see a Roman Catholic priest for spiritual direction. I told him I guaranteed a priest would not be jealous of him.

Andrea: A lot of your work with Certificate in Resilient Service (CRS), which you helped design and currently teach in, is focused on creating healthy, sustainable lives for leaders. How is your work with CRS informed by your experiences with churches like Mars Hill?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: I would say my work is informed by churches like Mars Hill and also by my own experience of leading a congregation. Leading a congregation can be one of the most isolating of vocations. It is so challenging to navigate all that comes with it, including the expectations you put on yourself and the expectations others have. I have seen so many leaders crash and burn. Many of them I know did not have the tools or the people in their lives to create a safe environment for vulnerability. Seeing this process play out over and over again in the lives of leaders, dear people with good intentions, made me even more committed to create safe spaces for leaders and advocate for sustainable ministry.

Andrea: What are the practices you recommend for Christian leaders who are seeking to be emotionally healthy?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: I have so many thoughts on this. I think the practices of curiosity and reflection–about the leader鈥檚 life and the life of others鈥攊s key. Paying attention to what is happening in the world is also important. Right now that means engaging the question 鈥淗ow do we think theologically in a time of great upheaval and change?鈥� Also, I would say it is imperative for a leader to commit to practices that keep them connected to God, the practices that ground you in the love of God,

Andrea: Seeing the narcissism of Driscoll increase as his power increased was not a surprise to me鈥攔esearch has shown that not only does ministry make those inclined to narcissism worse, but also that the pressures of ministry can actually induce narcissism in pastors who may not have otherwise been disposed to it. What counsel do you have for church leaders who want to create healthy conditions for their pastors to work in?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: The system has to be one that will support leaders. Pastors cannot be endlessly giving care; they also need to receive care. That may mean the board allocates money and time for pastors to receive care. Congregations need to create an environment where leaders do not have to hide, but can be honest and ask for help. Too many pastors and leaders have to hide their struggles for fear of losing their jobs, their source of income. That requires that black and white thinking is challenged and people learn to hold dynamic tension. And, related to what happened at Mars Hill, I recommend that churches look at their own bylaws and see who holds the power if the church goes into crisis.

Andrea: Rose, you have been such a source of blessing in my own life. Can you leave us with a blessing for leaders–your hopes and prayers for those seeking to serve with humility and integrity?

Dr. Madrid-Swetman: I pray for leaders, that they would find safe spaces to be honest about their struggles. Places they can be honest with themselves and others. I pray they would seek out people who can come alongside them to remind them of who they are and who they are becoming. I pray they will resist the temptations that Henry Nouwen so timely named in Life of the Beloved, the temptations to be relevant, spectacular and powerful. I bless them to lead with humility, compassion and creativity. And, I pray that they may do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with the Lord. Amen.

If you are interested in hearing more from Rose about her experience providing pastoral care to people wounded by their experience with Mars Hill Church, listen to her on the podcast , featured in episodes 鈥淭he Things We Do to Women鈥� and 鈥淭he Bobby Knight Problem.鈥�

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The program comes at a time when congregational life looks radically different than in the past. How churches gather continues to shift not only due to COVID, but also from cultural and demographic shifts as well as changes in religious practices.

Resilient Congregations aims to further equip congregational teams to learn a process for adapting to their changing contexts. Church leaders with congregational teams will participate to equip their own congregations with a defined, replicable process through which they will align congregational identity and mission through and belonging. This process will build social resilience, helping congregations thrive in their particular contexts.

Fundamental components of the program are based on conversations with Christian ministry leaders conducted by Resilient Leaders Project who spoke to the challenges of innovation among shifting gathering structures and culture.

鈥淚n this program, we hope to cultivate social cohesion – congregational teams that work well together with honest communication and open hearts, who are able to set a culture of belonging for their congregations and communities. Our hopes are that this not only heals the fragmentation that congregations have experienced in going through recent crises, but that it equips them to face the next crisis with greater resilience,鈥� says Kate Davis, Director of Resilient Leaders Project.

Resilient Congregations program staff include Forrest Inslee, Academic Consultant and Christ & Cascadia Editor, Melissa Skelton, Consultant, and Rose Madrid Swetman, Affiliate Faculty. Each has extensive experience in developing congregations: Forrest as a church planter and ethnographer, Melissa as a congregational developer and parish priest in Central Seattle before becoming Archbishop of Western Canada, and Rose as a pastor, nonprofit leader, and Regional Leader of Vineyard Churches.

The team will continue to build out the program this fall, with the goal of launching the program in early 2022.

For more information about Resilient Congregations please contact resilience@theseattleschool.edu.

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Now enter a conversation of compassion and empathy. As a counseling professional, I have been raised on a steady diet of empathy. As a category and a construct, empathy has shown up in many counseling texts: those that taught me counseling theories, counseling skills, and set the larger frame of the counseling profession. I didn鈥檛 have much reason to give this a second thought until I ran across the work of Martin Buber, whose I and Thou (1971) does not necessarily tolerate empathy as an option if one is seeking to be present and to engage in a holistic dialogue with another. As I listened to Buber鈥檚 call to 鈥渢he space between鈥� the I and the Thou wherein 鈥渙ne person happens to another鈥� and where all of meaningful life and existence is found in the moments of meeting between one and the other, I found myself asking the question: what is the difference between empathy and compassion? Might a pursuit of empathy exclude the moments of meeting Buber pointed to? Might compassion, or that which Jesus seemed to live and breathe in the Christian scriptures, offer a greater likelihood of the meetings of mutuality and reciprocity that Buber envisioned?

In asking that question, a group of students and I completed a review of the counseling literature pertaining to empathy and compassion, and we found that the field and its constituents seemed as uncertain as I was. Sometimes these terms were used interchangeably, but other times they seemed to reference rather different things.

As a counselor-educator, I began to wonder about the efficacy of teaching and learning one over the other, and as a Christian, I couldn鈥檛 run from my understanding that Jesus did not teach empathy, but rather, compassion.

The word compassion comes from the Latin compati, and it means to 鈥渟uffer with.鈥� In surveying the literature on compassion, it is the 鈥渨ithness鈥� that is made possible in and through compassion that I find to be the most compelling. Researchers (Bibeau, Dionne, & Leblanc, 2015; Fehse, Silveira, Elvers, & Blautzik, 2014; Fernardo & Consedine, 2014; Greenberg & Turksma, 2015) have tethered compassion not just to a felt experience, but also to a desire to move towards and/or to connect with another who is experiencing pain and suffering.

Empathy is, in part, about the alleviation of pain for the person providing it, whereas compassion extends to affiliation and the rewards of social connection (Klimeckii et al., 2013; Stickle, 2016). Can you hear the significant difference here? One alleviates the pain of the 鈥済iver鈥� (not the receiver!), and the other brings reward through connection (withness).

The everyday definition of empathy I鈥檝e been handed through the years is a willingness to place oneself in another鈥檚 shoes. Even though empathy can be both simple (cognitive) and complex (affective) (Bussey et al., 2015), I can say my working experience with it through the years has trended towards the simple or cognitive, with its task being largely to understand the experience(s) of another. If one surveys social scenes across the United States of America, they may see cultural awakenings happening in places where people are acknowledging the impact of Western colonization and the ways it has led to the , including (but not limited to) BIPOC folks. What is more, if one looks at the scientific methods used in the West, one will also see the privileging of understanding over experience, with the former resting on the laurels of data quantifications, and the latter dismissed as 鈥渨oo woo鈥� or nonempirical. Pair an impulse to colonize with a tendency to reify (to see a piece or part of someone as the whole of who they are) by way of empiricism and one might just get a field of helping professionals who see it as their job to empathize with those folks they serve, rather than a field full of folks who have purposed to move with the withness of desire. Empathy may end up as another (intended or unintended) casualty of colonization and of oppressive systems bent towards maintaining the status quo of power. The helping professional鈥檚 felt sense of spirituality in their work may dissipate, leaving them with little but a hollow shell of roles and obligations.

Common to the helping and healing professions is the , or what has been commonly referred to as compassion fatigue. My wondering is whether this may be a misplaced construct and if the greater likelihood is that one would experience empathy fatigue, rather than compassion fatigue. If empathy requires me to leave my own sense of locatedness and join with another where they are, then I may run the risk of leaving my own personhood behind. This was Buber鈥檚 contention (1971): to engage with another (鈥渢hou鈥�), one must locate oneself firmly in an 鈥淚.鈥� Dialogue can only emerge in the spaces between two people who are firmly rooted and rooting in their own experience(s). Empathy may require less of an 鈥淚,鈥� and more of a 鈥測ou,鈥� which could very well drain the system of the person looking to afford care. What is more, the 鈥測ou鈥� of another can quickly turn towards objectification (reification), with empathy becoming a moment of object-to-object transaction rather than a subject-to-subject experience.

I find great encouragement in Brene Brown鈥檚 findings (2015), that levels of compassion positively correlate with healthy . In other words, the withness of compassion can bring or perpetuate a sense of health and wholeness within a relationship. When two people get to be people and to experience the belonging that such withness affords, the possibility of health, healing, and restoration grows. I believe the realities of COVID-19 have opened a wormhole wherein helping professionals will be required to engage with a sense of withness that pre-COVID practice did not require. Though I don鈥檛 know all of what this will mean or may look like, I already find it happening in my conversations with others. Maybe the crisis of pandemic is the very thing that has been needed to (re)orient a field that has skewed in the direction of power (empathy), rather than desire (compassion). Maybe, when it comes to helping professionals, the urgency of this pandemic will necessitate attention and care first for oneself so as to promote care for another (Bibeau et al., 2015), thereby opening spaces for those helping professionals to move past the alleviation of pain that empathy offers to the reward of affiliation made possible through compassion. Pandemic seems to (re)turn each of us to ourselves and to the potential to (re)orient to our desires, and my hope is that it will also (re)orient and (re)turn the fields of helping professionals to their constituents with the health made possible in and through the withness of desire that sits at the heart of compassion.

References

Bibeau, M., Dionne, F., & Leblanc, J. (2015). Can compassion meditation contribute to the development of psychotherapists鈥� empathy? A review. Mindfulness, 7(1), 255-263. doi:10.1007/s12671-015-0439-y

Buber, M. (1971). I and thou. (Walter Kaufmann, Trans.). New York, NY: Touchstone.

Bussey, K., Quinn, C., & Dobson, J. (2015). The moderating role of empathic concern and perspective taking on the relationship between moral disengagement and aggression. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 61(1), 10鈥�29.

Brown, B (2015). Rising strong: The reckoning, the rumble, the revolution. New York, NY: Random House.

Fehse, K., Silveira, S., Elvers, K., & Blautzik, J. (2014). Compassion, guilt and innocence: An fMRI study of responses to victims who are responsible for their fate. Social Neuroscience, 10(3), 243-252. doi:10.1080/17470919.2014.980587

Fernando, A.T. III, & Consedine, N.S., (2014, August). Beyond compassion fatigue: The transactional model of physician compassion. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 48(2), 289-298.

Greenberg, M. T., & Turksma, C. (2015). Understanding and watering the seeds of compassion. Research in Human Development, 12(3-4), 280-287. doi:10.1080/15427609.2015.1068060

Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Ricard, M., & Singer, T. (2013). Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience,9(6), 873-879. doi:10.1093/scan/nst060

Stickle, M. (2016). The expression of compassion in social work practice. Journal of Religion & Spirituality in Social Work: Social Thought, 35(1-2), 120-131. doi:10.1080/15426432.2015.1067587

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Fast forward 6+ months and the tenor of conversations have shifted. Disaster models now predict high levels of anxiety, depression, and as we move through this stage of our nation鈥檚 current plight. Home-based school startups have gobbled up the time and attention, if not hope, of many families throughout the United States. Parents are tired and overwhelmed, and kids are often overly energetic, listless, or both. Deep-seated tensions between partners have nowhere to go but out into the air that is already rife with fear and anxiety, grief and loss. Many single folks have sunk further into the isolation and loneliness that already resided within them, craving even the basics of touch, of a non-virtual smile (one would have to take off their mask to provide such), and wondering when and how opportunities to connect will again be available.

No matter your place, . This pandemic is taking our breath away, both literally and metaphorically. In the face of such a crisis, how do we engage a conversation about self-care?

For years now, I have been giving lectures and talks with titles such as this one, claiming the deadness of self-care as it is often conceptualized and sometimes practiced (or not). Like so many 鈥渢hings鈥� in the West, self-care has been commodified, commercialized, objectified, and turned into an accomplishment. Either that or it has become code for sleeping in or finding other means of shutting the proverbial world out: distraction, if not dissociation. What we truly need鈥攑urposeful, personal, and process-oriented engagement鈥攃an be scant.

In working with the literature on self-care for helping professionals like myself, I鈥檝e come to my own working definition of self-care. Self-care is the working out of one鈥檚 need and desire to experience belonging and connection. But are belonging and connection even possible in the midst of a pandemic? In particular, how about for those folks who face the intersectionality of multiple pandemics: COVID-19 and ?

As a counselor, I鈥檓 aware that conversations about self-care are typically tagged to terms and experiences that bear a negative connotation, such as burnout, vicarious trauma, or compassion fatigue. In other words, practitioners often start to talk about self-care once it鈥檚 鈥渢oo late鈥� and they鈥檝e run out of steam; self-care becomes something to pick up at the corner store on the way home from work. What is more, because as a society we have problematized our pain, many self-care strategies and practices are meant to medicate one鈥檚 pain. Rather than learning to listen to our pain and to where it might lead us, self-care roadmaps point to unrealistic, pain-free destinations full of trim bodies and Zen-like temperaments. For those of us that have spent any time in the church, our sense of the word 鈥渟elf鈥� may have also been skewed, becoming something to give away (鈥渂e selfless鈥�) rather than something to be filled and stewarded.

My belief is that if conversations around and practices of self-care are going to gain any traction, especially in a pandemic, we need to refresh our understanding of the following elements: self, need, and desire.

We now know enough, through the work of epigeneticists and those who study the impact of generational patterns (traumas, 鈥渟ins,鈥� and related genetic predispositions) to say that our sense of self is deeply embedded in our people: in who we were, where we were, what we鈥檝e experienced, and how we鈥檝e gotten this far. If you come from a people whose humanity was stripped or maligned in some way, then your efforts to live as a self will bear such marks. If you come from a line of 鈥済ivers鈥� who have taught you that ministry and service are godly and required, then the infilling of one鈥檚 self will seem perplexing if not problematic. In other words, the code to (self-)care to some degree resides in the light switches in our DNA. To that end, we could think of self-care as 鈥渃ellf-care.鈥� Our lives and the lives of those who have come before us have turned on/off possibilities for engagement often before our conscious minds have even had a chance to orient or chime in. In such times and in such cases, self-care is over before it begins.

As I look at the differences between needs and desires, I see a blend of what connects us and also what differentiates us as image-bearers of God. Needs are common to us all: We eat, we sleep, we defecate. Needs are designed to be met. We need a place to connect and to belong, and we will go to great lengths in search of such. It is our needs that reveal our commonality or oneness as beings that are interdependent and interconnected. Everything connects to everything, and everyone (every body) connects to everyone (every body).

In contrast, it鈥檚 the particularity of our desires that make each of us who we are. Desire is at the root of personhood and personality. It鈥檚 what gets us up in the morning, and it鈥檚 what puts us in touch with that which is larger than us. Desire embeds itself with meaning and purpose. And if the purpose of desire is desire, then the wheel of desire is always moving in the direction of regeneration, transcendence, and making contact with the Infinite/Eternal. It is at the heart of what it means to be a spiritual being.

Contrast desire with expectation. Expectation is hollowed-out desire. Expectation turns gift to guilt. In a season of so much loss (pandemic), capitalism revs its engine of dissatisfaction and signals us to ramp up our expectations of ourselves and how we鈥檙e navigating this season. Many people (at least to whom I鈥檓 talking) end up worse for the wear, and further separated not just from the or taken, but even more so separated from the lifeline of their desire.

We can do better than this. Or better said, we can be kinder than this. When we downgrade desire from its seat with the Divine to that which consumeristically compels us, we end up with a bunch of nice smelling bath salts and soaps that we are often too tired to use (and who has a bathtub clean enough for that, anyway?!). In my mind, we need to begin to track differently the trail of clues our system (mind/body/spirit) offers us as we seek to steward our needs and desires. WiFi connections have disconnected us from heart centers and minds that are designed to mirror each other, and we鈥檝e been left to respective worlds wherein much of our experience can be described by Sherry Turkle鈥檚 term (2011), 鈥渁lone together.鈥� We must (re)orient to our pain and see it not as something to be put off or fixed, but rather as a voice worth listening to.

I鈥檇 like to propose that a pandemic is not the time to try to enact 鈥渢raditional鈥� practices of self-care. Such propositions bring guilt, not rest, recovery, or any sense of belonging. As we head into the darkness of a pending fall and winter without a vaccine, I鈥檇 like to suggest the following:

• Remember who you are by way of the stories of your people: What pain has come to you by way of your lineage? How can you interact in such a way that honors your ancestors and therefore your self in the process?
• Toss out expectations: Place them in the recycling bin or compost pile where your desires can (re)emerge as that which orients you and brings you life. That said, don鈥檛 reach for tomorrow, today鈥檚 got enough troubles of its own.
• Obligatory plans for the holiday season should be replaced with a focus on today, and on what might bring you a sense of fulfillment in the now.
• Consider adopting a pet, or if you have one, reach out to them as much as you can! The touch of another living being is what we鈥檙e designed for.
• Allow the phrase 鈥淚t鈥檚 going to be OK鈥� to turn from a promise that things will work out to an offering of connection and belonging with those you love.
• Listen to your pain and allow it to guide you. Trade fixes for fondness. Practice saying, 鈥淭his is me鈥︹�� as you interact with the parts of you that struggle with the dis-ease that鈥檚 in the air and in our bodies.
• Practice acknowledging your limits, for limits remind us of our need and desire for belonging and connection.

This is not a list of 鈥渢hings鈥�-to-do鈥攚ho needs another one of those? What I offer instead are processes to engage and take part in: practices in remembering and reconnecting. As we say in my house, 鈥減ractice your patience鈥� when needed and continue working it out.

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The program is funded through Lilly Endowment鈥檚 Thriving Congregations Initiative. The aim of the national initiative is to strengthen Christian congregations so they can help people deepen their relationships with God, build strong relationships with each other, and contribute to the flourishing of local communities and the world.

Lilly Endowment is funding nearly $93 million in grants through the initiative. The grants will support organizations as they work directly with congregations and help them gain clarity about their values and missions, explore and understand better the communities in which they serve, and draw upon their theological traditions as they adapt ministries to meet changing needs.

The funds from this grant will allow the school to expand the work of Resilient Leaders Project to develop a program for congregational development. This program will forge partnerships with and further equip congregational leadership teams to adapt to changing contexts and invest in neighborhood communities in order to mutually thrive. This program aims to equip teams with a defined, replicable process that will align their identity, belonging, and mission in response to ongoing changes in their neighborhood, especially amidst and beyond the COVID-19 pandemic. Aspects of the program will include hands-on, experiential training through conferences as well as shared learnings through writings, guidebooks, webinars, and instructional videos.

鈥淚 hope that the work we develop through Thriving Congregations will be timely support for congregations looking to respond to the tectonic shifts of our time,鈥� said , Director of Resilient Leaders Project. 鈥淚 hope that through our work together, the school and congregations are transformed in sight and service, seeing one another as a beloved community 鈥� even across difference 鈥� and becoming a people who mend the fragmentation and isolation in our city.鈥�

天美视频 is one of 92 organizations taking part in the initiative. They represent and serve churches in a broad spectrum of Christian traditions, including Anabaptist, Baptist, Episcopal, Lutheran, Methodist, Mennonite, Pentecostal, Presbyterian, Reformed, Restoration, Roman Catholic and Orthodox, as well as congregations that describe themselves as nondenominational and evangelical. Several organizations serve congregations in Black, Hispanic and Asian-American traditions.

鈥淚n the midst of a rapidly changing world, Christian congregations are grappling with how they can best carry forward their ministries,鈥� said Christopher Coble, Lilly Endowment鈥檚 Vice President for Religion. 鈥淭hese grants will help congregations assess their ministries and draw on practices in their theological traditions to address new challenges and better nurture the spiritual vitality of the people they serve.鈥�

Lilly Endowment launched the Thriving Congregations Initiative in 2019 as part of its commitment to support efforts that enhance the vitality of Christian congregations.

About Lilly Endowment Inc.
Lilly Endowment Inc. is an Indianapolis-based private philanthropic foundation created in 1937 by J.K. Lilly Sr. and sons Eli and J.K. Jr. through gifts of stock in their pharmaceutical business, Eli Lilly & Company. Although the gifts of stock remain a financial bedrock of the Endowment, it is a separate entity from the company, with a distinct governing board, staff and location. In keeping with the founders鈥� wishes, the Endowment exists to support the causes of religion, education and community development. The Endowment funds significant programs throughout the United States, especially in the field of religion. However, it maintains a special commitment to its hometown, Indianapolis and home state, Indiana. The principal aim of the Endowment鈥檚 grantmaking in religion is to deepen and enrich the lives of Christians in the United States, primarily by seeking out and supporting efforts that enhance the vitality of congregations and strengthen their pastoral and lay leadership.

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What does flourishing leadership look like in the real world? Resilient Leaders Project asked alumni of 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology about how they鈥檝e flourished while creating contextually-responsive ministry. In listening to these leaders, we found six common themes–practices and ways of being that other leaders can apply to increase their own flourishing. This blog series will share those themes, one at a time, through the stories of flourishing leaders. To see the other themes and leader profiles, read the . This week鈥檚 theme is boundaries: leaders need boundaries around time, sense of responsibility, and self.

Michele Ward

MDiv 2015

Associate Pastor, Brown Memorial Park Avenue Presbyterian Church
Clergy Community Organizer, Baltimoreans United in Leadership Development (BUILD), Metro IAF Affiliate

I enjoy ministry and find it life giving. With any work, though, the underside emerges when love of work becomes an addiction. I learned to be a workaholic through church and academia, receiving praise for unhealthy behaviors such as staying up late to finish projects, being constantly available to lead at church, and overscheduling myself. This all came to a head when I started my first ordained call in Philadelphia. The work culture there was entrenched in start-up mode concepts of work-life balance, which is typically more common in places like Silicon Valley and Seattle. I was not expecting start-up culture to follow me to the City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection. We were serving a high needs population, with thousands of guests walking through the doors each week. My impulse was to reactively meet that need without thinking about the impact it might have on me. My colleagues and I had to work very hard to maintain and celebrate our boundaries so we could continue to serve.

To sum up my purpose in life and work, I come back to an ordination question that I said 鈥測es鈥� to: 鈥淲ill you pray for and seek to serve the people with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love?鈥� It is these four categories that I think about when I consider my flourishing and the flourishing of the community. In my work, I try to embody Christ through acts of compassion, play, hospitality, and neighborliness. My constant question is, 鈥渉ow can I be a better neighbor?鈥�

Seth Thomas

RLP 2018-19
MDiv year 2016

Pastor, St. James Presbyterian Church

For me, flourishing in service to God and neighbor means calling out people鈥檚 ability to bear the image of God in them to its fullest form. It鈥檚 identifying people鈥檚 gifts and the opportunities they have to engage those gifts in the practical places they are in everyday. It鈥檚 an awakening of their image-bearing nature.

On the flip side, the challenges to my flourishing have been the denial of my own gifts and fear of using my voice that the image of God has placed in me. It鈥檚 easy to deny the gifts that we have and stay locked up in our brokenness, to not seek the healing that can happen in the community of the church. My own healing and growth are really key to my success as a leader and caretaker of others. I鈥檓 an enneagram 9; I am self-neglectful. So what I actually need to do is not go looking for ways to care for other people, I have to do the work of caring for myself, so that I can do the work of caring for other people. I need to tell people what I need, so an important practice for me is honesty about my needs. I need to attend to my whole being so I can attend to another鈥檚 whole being.

Flourishing requires slowing down. I have to do the prayerful and introspective work of asking 鈥渨hat鈥檚 going on that is so challenging, why is it so challenging, and what is it stirring in me?鈥� Instead of running away from it, I have to take the time to engage with what the opportunity for growth is in that moment.

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What does flourishing leadership look like in the real world? Resilient Leaders Project asked alumni of 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology about how they鈥檝e flourished while creating contextually-responsive ministry. In listening to these leaders, we found six common themes–practices and ways of being that other leaders can apply to increase their own flourishing. This blog series will share those themes, one at a time, through the stories of flourishing leaders. To see the other themes and leader profiles, read the . This week鈥檚 theme is body: leaders need to develop practices that honor their God-given body and connect body to soul.

Jenny Wade

MACP 2013

Psychotherapist and Yoga Instructor

As a therapist, I began to notice that after a full day of seeing clients I experienced tenderness and pain through my sternum, and taking deep breaths felt difficult. I realized that my body was mirroring my clients鈥� tension. As much as I worked during my sessions to metabolize the physical intensity of whatever emotion my client brought into the room, I was always leaving feeling physically and energetically depleted. I decided to practice a form of bodywork, SOMA, that acknowledges the ways that tension in the body reflects tension in the mind.

Now, when I experience discomfort in my physical body, I recognize these sensations as my body trying to alert me to some kind of emotional or spiritual disruption in my life. When I sense this tension I can nurture my body with massage, myofascial release, yoga, dance, or breath work – in these ways I鈥檓 able to discharge the accumulated tension that is a natural result of meditating on other鈥檚 trauma multiple times a day. I have learned how to use movement as prayer, and I see how being with my body is a worshipful experience.

Movement is my medicine, but there is a heavy, oppressive force that I have to push against internally in order to choose movement for myself. It鈥檚 a very real form of spiritual warfare that I have to engage on behalf of my own personal healing. The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte taught me to ask the question, 鈥楬ow do I want to feel today/this week/this year?鈥� and then to consider what I need to do in order to feel that way. Framing my choices from a place of desire vs. a 鈥榮hould鈥� helps me to choose movement that feels authentic!

Lang Charters

MDiv 2014

Yoga Pastor

I started seminary after a hiking injury ended my successful military career. At 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology, I learned the importance of pastors being in and with the community they live in and serve. Teaching yoga became that point of community connection for me while I continued to primarily pursue and dream about being a more traditional pastor.

As this journey was beginning to unfold, I went through a divorce and was passed over by the church I wanted to work for. I had poured my 鈥渟elf鈥� into both relationships, only to be left alone as an unrequited lover. The beautiful plot twist, though, is the failures and the undoing of my 鈥渟elf鈥� were my salvation! While 鈥渉usband鈥� and 鈥減astor鈥� were things I did, or wanted to do, neither of them were who I was in my essence. Jesus emphasized how important it is to 鈥渓ose your life to find it鈥� because it鈥檚 precisely by losing our small selves (jobs, titles, relationships, possessions, accolades, etc.) that we find our true selves in Christ.

So, after 鈥渇ailing鈥� at pastoring in a church, today my pastoring is teaching a person, or three, or ten in a yoga class … and I wouldn鈥檛 trade it for the world. As a yoga pastor I think of myself as a conduit for love and endeavor to help people tangibly experience the bliss of being in Christ. As we breathe mindfully we take in Spirit, as we move purposefully we integrate body, mind, and spirit, and as we unclutter our minds, we shift our experience from small selves to True Self. In a very real sense I鈥檓 never not pastoring: to pastor is to care for souls, which means journeying with people toward a beautiful and holistic existence.

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What does flourishing leadership look like in the real world? Resilient Leaders Project asked alumni of 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology about how they鈥檝e flourished while creating contextually-responsive ministry. In listening to these leaders, we found six common themes–practices and ways of being that other leaders can apply to increase their own flourishing. This blog series will share those themes, one at a time, through the stories of flourishing leaders. To see the other themes and leader profiles, read the . This week鈥檚 theme is connection to God: leaders need practices that help them experience transcendence and guidance from God.

Martha Wood

MDiv 2015

Interim Released Minister at West Hills Friends Church

Being a minister in a Quaker setting is a unique playground. I get to contribute and
participate as one part of the whole body rather than get saddled with the weight and pressure of making the church 鈥渟uccessful鈥� or delivering 鈥減owerful鈥� sermons. I do get to be up front more often, hosting meetings for worship and offering messages, but my task is to make space for each person to encounter the Divine, to offer prompts and opportunities to hear the Spirit as clearly as possible, to identify and connect folks鈥� swaths of gifts and contributions in the life of the community. Leading in this context is the ground of my flourishing.

My previous call brought my personal story, strengths and weaknesses into sharp relief: I will always hope for harmony within a community, and the community鈥檚 fractures will reflexively attempt to rend me. My job (on paper) was to hold this community together while trying to
reconcile its warring parties. I experienced disrupted sleep, chest pains, headaches, difficulty concentrating, weeping on my daily commute: I was play-doh-pressed by the demands. Many voices clamored for my attention, but I came to see that my task was to listen through and beyond all those voices for the voice of the Spirit, for the greater truth that we all needed to hear. Some people expected me to save their church, but I knew that the Spirit would be the one moving in people鈥檚 hearts; it wasn鈥檛 my job to change or save anyone. I had never before felt such dependence on and sustenance from God.

There was a rollercoaster year between my first and second call, during which I grappled deeply and encountered the thing that has reoriented my life: pilgrimage. I walked the French route of the Camino de Santiago, and six months later returned to Spain to walk the Camino Primitivo and to volunteer in a pilgrim shelter. These three experiences renovated the way I understand and experience God, faith, community, faith-community, fellowship, ministry, time, resources, provision, and myself in the world. Walking 800 km was a foil for encounter: encountering God, myself, others, creation. I could not comprehend the word 鈥渇lourishing鈥� apart from the experience of pilgrimage.

Hillary B. Kimsey

MDiv 2017

Hospital Chaplain, candidate for Episcopal Priesthood

When I was a resident chaplain at Harborview, I became deeply involved in a tragic case involving a child that dragged on for months. The grief of this child, these parents, and the many caregivers involved poured into me along with my own grief and crushing sense of helplessness. I finally said to my peers and my educator, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” I wept in front of them, letting loose all of my sadness, my anger, my doubts–both in God and myself. And when I had finished weeping, I wondered– have I shown them now that I can’t do it by this show of emotion? But no, what I found was the group weeping with me and joining me in the struggle.

At the same time, I was in discernment for my call to the Episcopal Priesthood. In sharing with my discernment group what I was going through, I broke down into tears and admitted to doubts and anger and despair of God even while I clung to my love for God and belief that God’s presence somehow remained with me and the family I’d come to care for so much. When my tears were spent, I wondered– have I shown them I’m unfit for the priesthood by this show of emotion? But no– they cried with me and said, “We are more sure now than ever that you are called.”

Both times, my vulnerability was welcomed and cared for, even seen as a strength! I learned that to flourish in this ministry, I must tend to my own grief in safe and supportive communities.

Lisa Henton

Certificate in Resilient Service 2018-2019

Pastor, Coast Vineyard Church

I believe there are three components to flourishing: belonging, being and doing. I get a picture of an amazing healthy fruit tree: deep roots and a solid trunk with far-reaching branches that are filled with good fruit. In this analogy, the belonging would be the root system, the being would be the trunk and the doing would be the branching out bearing much fruit.

As a leader, I have to ask myself what am I flourishing unto: the world or God鈥檚 Kingdom? The secular world tells us that flourishing is about our doing and that鈥檚 where we get belonging or our being. We have to retrain ourselves and the people in our community about what flourishing in the Kingdom really is.

As a leader, I try not to underestimate the power of prayer. I think we fall into this trap because it鈥檚 easier to put our best effort into it and see some results, even if they鈥檙e not a fraction of what we鈥檙e hoping for. Prayer is about our connection with God; it鈥檚 how we sink our roots in deep to get the nourishment for our being and the outflow of our doing. We need to be deeply grounded in the heavenly father鈥檚 love for us. The ancient future community in Acts joined together and prayed constantly; that鈥檚 how they were able to flourish under all kinds of conditions.

Obedience is also important, especially when I鈥檝e had to face betrayal in my ministry. Like the community in Acts who obeyed the Spirit by replacing Judas, we also must carry on with what we have been commissioned to do even in the face of betrayal.

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The post Flourishing in Service: Connection to God appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.

What does flourishing leadership look like in the real world? Resilient Leaders Project asked alumni of 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology about how they鈥檝e flourished while creating contextually-responsive ministry. In listening to these leaders, we found six common themes–practices and ways of being that other leaders can apply to increase their own flourishing. This blog series will share those themes, one at a time, through the stories of flourishing leaders. To see the other themes and leader profiles, . This week鈥檚 theme is self-compassion: leaders need to give themselves grace and permission to be fully human.

Wakaki Thompson

The Allender Center, Training Certificate 2018鈥�2019

Reverend and Computer Systems Architect

I hope to flourish in the tension of love, disappointment, hurt and joy. I see flourishing as a mutual–but not transactional–relationship with peaks and valleys. It鈥檚 asking my neighbor more thoughtful and deeper questions to sufficiently attune to them; it鈥檚 seeking their story to better understand their development and the critical people in their lives. I would hope to see myself in their brokenness and rehearsed behaviors, so this mutual identification could help provide a shared grace and mercy for bonded neighborly connection. If we can relate with others as mysteriously and supernaturally as described, to intimately and spiritually connect with others in a series of moments, I believe that to be Christlike.

To engage myself deeply and intimately is a challenge. I have developed a superhero persona and often suppress my feelings. I was taught to power through situations and to leverage logic over emotions. I was taught to look out for myself and to be the center of my decision tree. I was taught relationships should have a checklist and meet certain criteria.

However, past midlife, I am challenged to change who I am to be more like Christ. I鈥檓 challenged to reveal my pain, trauma, and brokenness, to realize that this does not make me weaker but in reality, makes me stronger and more worthy of trust and connection with others. I should not have to shoulder all the load when we as a community can bear it together more honestly. Being a superhero is not healthy or realistic. Having the strength to point to God is sufficient and embodies a more sustaining joy.

Suzanne Aultman

MACP, 2016

Structural Engineer

As a structural engineer who supervises several others, I am constantly juggling the demands on my time from others across all departments. My hope is to see each person and to know them beyond the role they fulfill at our company. If I can remember something specific about them to ask about or to acknowledge, maybe they will feel seen. It is in the small moments of seeing the other that we tend to have the most impact and sometimes not even realize it.

Something my time at 天美视频 helped me refine was my ability to read a situation 鈥� to recognize when there is something deeper happening in an interaction. When I notice that something else is happening, I begin asking myself questions to determine how much I should engage it in the moment. Kindness is both acknowledging what you see in a person while also knowing when it is not the most appropriate time to name it, especially in a corporate environment. It is always a judgment call 鈥� sometimes I鈥檓 right and sometimes I鈥檓 wrong. I do not sit in shame for failing; instead, it pushes me to pay better attention to those around me and to respond when I notice a need. For the moments I happen to notice and engage, there is a reward in the connection with the other that encourages me to keep going.

Also, being a community, this is not a one-way interaction. I must be willing to be able to speak my needs so that others can respond to me and offer to me where I am lacking. It is in the giving and receiving that we can all grow and flourish together.

Ruth Wiley

MACP, 2016

Counselor

Two challenges to my flourishing are shame and overcommitment. Shame inhibits flourishing by not allowing psychic space for creativity to thrive, thus limiting how I share my gifts with the world. Overcommitment, which can be subtly fueled by shame, reduces the quality of my presence and work. The irony of both of these self-protective postures is that we try to hide the parts of ourselves that we deem unlovable and so we do not allow the gaze of compassionate others to reframe who we are in a fuller more nuanced way. I feel shame, so I do not want you to see me more fully for fear that you will deem me unworthy too. But when I can love the aspects of me that are 鈥渦gly,鈥� the roots that support flourishing for self and others can authentically grow deeper into love.

I address these challenges through growing self-compassion. I believe that Jesus was the most self-compassionate person to live. It was because of his deep care and compassion for himself that he was able to love others so disruptively well. When I first began meditative centering prayer, I could not imagine being able to honestly say to myself Brene Brown鈥檚 now-famous sentence: 鈥淚 am worthy of love and belonging.鈥� As I avidly continued my contemplative practice, my own therapy, my academic pursuits and my engagement with my community, something changed where my chest cavity meets my thoughts and words are formed. One morning while lying on my floor in our attic apartment in Seattle, I, like C. S. Lewis, was surprised by joy: 鈥淥h my God I am worthy of love and belonging.鈥� Coming to love myself is and will be my leadership crucible. Love is what God is and is doing.

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The post Flourishing in Service: Self-Compassion appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.

What does flourishing leadership look like in the real world? Resilient Leaders Project asked alumni of 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology about how they鈥檝e flourished while creating contextually-responsive ministry. In listening to these leaders, we found six common themes–practices and ways of being that other leaders can apply to increase their own flourishing. This blog series will share those themes, one at a time, through the stories of flourishing leaders. To see the other themes and leader profiles, read the Flourishing in Service Report. This week鈥檚 theme is community: leaders need relationships in which they can be vulnerable about their experiences and collaborative in service.

Phil Doud

MDiv 2013

Life Coach at Heroically

As a life coach, I am driven by the questions of who people are and how they change, develop, and flourish. My work is focused on caring for those in the helping professions: educators, health care and medical professionals, mental health and social service workers, ministers and clergy. The name Heroically is word play. I want people to actually live heroically, taking on world-saving problems in challenging work. And I want to both be a heroic ally, helping the helpers to flourish along the way. Helpers have high rates of stress, compassion fatigue, disillusionment and burnout. To thrive, they need supportive community, safe spaces to grow, struggle, and yes, play. That鈥檚 why I鈥檝e launched Heroic Ally Game Groups, inviting people to build community, reflect, and explore identity through a custom tabletop roleplaying game.

Roleplaying games are really storytelling games in which participants assume a contextual identity within a hypothetical setting. The games I lead are meant to be epic, with big stakes and powerful obstacles, giving people practice in taking on overwhelming challenges, handling setbacks, developing agency, and tolerating the distress of not knowing. You take a risk, roll the die, and play with what happens, good or bad.

The collaborative nature of the game helps people learn to depend on community. Groups include reflection time to process things that happened in the game and to discover how a particular character or situation connects to their real lives. Sometimes a werewolf in the game is just a werewolf in the game. But sometimes it鈥檚 a metaphor for that wild and ferocious hunger inside. It鈥檚 exciting when interpersonal and intrapersonal discoveries found in game play catalyze personal transformation. I have found that I am most alive helping people navigate into where they are most alive.

Barbara Tantrum

MACP 2010

Counselor at NorthWest Trauma Counseling

As a specialist in early childhood trauma, I work with kids who have been adopted and adults who had childhood trauma. I also supervise and encourage new therapists, and I have a book coming out in Fall 2020 about parenting kids with trauma. I am myself a parent of six: two kids I gave birth to, and four kids we adopted.

Before I was a therapist I was in full-time campus ministry. As a therapist, it can be less clear that I am doing Christian work. But good counseling embodies Christian values: forgiveness, redemption, wholeness, health. I feel that God loves adoption, and I see myself as an adopted child of God. Science is finding that when a kid has early childhood trauma and PTSD, what overcomes that trauma is having good connection with a caregiver. For me, that is so much a picture of Jesus: what overcomes our trauma is having good connection with Jesus and with other people. I think that is the gospel. That鈥檚 the work I do: helping build relationships and helping people find those connections.

A key to my flourishing is connections with other therapists that I鈥檓 in practice with, consult with, or do supervision with. I have seen other counselors try to be really independent; usually that does not go well. The people who do well are people who have connections with other people. I would not want to be doing this work by myself. It鈥檚 hard because you can鈥檛 have community like that without there being conflict, without there being stuff you need to work through. It鈥檚 tough, but it鈥檚 really worth it in the end to have a community that you can work with, dream with and have cammeraderie with.

Alex Zarecki

MATC 2016

Worship Music Director, Japanese Baptist Church of Seattle

Flourishing for me includes collaborative energy. I serve with a sense of lower case 鈥減鈥� pastoral; it enables more collaboration with the folks who have been at this church all their lives and with the newer folks who just walked in or found us from Google. This collaboration is especially important in my context of working in a historically Japanese-American church. I am not Japanese-American, I鈥檓 European-American, so it鈥檚 a little unusual for someone like me to be in such a space.

The fact that I have a team in my workspace makes a tremendous difference. It鈥檚 not just me trying to figure things out on my own; I can ask questions and be a student of the context. I鈥檝e learned about the history of the organization, individual people鈥檚 histories, what sort of dynamics have existed, why things are the way they are. It鈥檚 a practice of collaboration that creates community with my coworkers and laypeople, and I think that sense of community is imperative to doing anything worthwhile.

Music can be a great way to invite everybody into a space. As a church, we鈥檙e becoming more multiethnic and confidently intergenerational. We鈥檝e seen that there can be a holding together in the midst of theological diversity because of a greater sense of community. Music and art can help us navigate spaces that are otherwise impasses.

As someone who sees the role of the artist as close to the prophetic tradition, I have found that some social media has been helpful for hearing the voices of other Christians. These other voices reorient me as I am creatively thinking about problem solving and attending to the resistance in my work.

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