The 鈥�&鈥� in our name is essential to who we are 鈥� we train therapists in our counseling psychology program, but through a distinctively theological lens. We offer programs in and , but with attention to the . Our distinctiveness is, in part, a result of our commitment to keep the fields of theology, biblical studies, and psychology in conversation.

What is Interdisciplinary Learning?

In order to understand interdisciplinary learning, we have to understand what we mean by disciplines 鈥� that is, the academic disciplines. It鈥檚 easy to think about disciplines as static institutions, but academic disciplines themselves are far from monolithic and unified.

Disciplines are complex, multi-layered, and dynamic. Most important, they are made up of people: scholars investigating questions, teaching students, contributing to knowledge, and advancing their fields. A more helpful way of thinking about disciplines is to think about them as communities with a set of shared (but sometimes contested) questions, objects of study, practices, epistemologies, methodologies, and vocabularies. ¹

Interdisciplinary learning first involves adopting what Rebecca Nowacek calls 鈥渕eta-disciplinary awareness鈥� ² 鈥� that is, an ability to see the disciplines as disciplines, examining their assumptions and biases and frameworks, and paying attention to what the disciplines help us see and what they might not. The metaphor I like to use is that of a pair of glasses: if the disciplines are a pair of glasses you might put on to examine an object of study or a question, then metadisciplinary awareness asks us to pay attention to the glasses themselves: What are they made of? How do they 鈥渨ork?鈥� How were they formed, or how did they come to be the way they are? What do they help us see, and what might they obscure?

Interdisciplinary learning, then, recognizes that most of the interesting problems in the world are complex enough that a single perspective isn鈥檛 enough to help us fully see and understand them. We need many voices, and many perspectives, to get a full picture of a person, a phenomenon, an idea, or a problem.

Interdisciplinarity is collaborative at its core, recognizing that one perspective is insufficient for fully understanding a situation; we see and understand better when we work together. Interdisciplinary learning is more than just studying multiple academic disciplines side by side鈥搕hat would be Multidisciplinarity learning, the side by side use of disciplinary understandings without integration. The key to bringing various disciplines together in Interdisciplinarity is integration.

Metaphors can prove useful in understanding what makes Interdisciplinary learning different from other kinds of frameworks. A bowl of fruit could be helpful to think of when thinking about multidisciplinarity. There, each individual fruit sits on its own — peaches are discernable as peaches, bananas as bananas. But Interdisciplinary integration is a lot like a smoothie — fruits come together to create something new, a blended creation where each distinctive fruit is harder to discern. Instead what you have is a delicious, cohesive mixture. Another metaphor we can use is that of a bridge. Interdisciplinarity can be bridge building in the sense that a bridge connects two points (in this case knowledge from two or more disciplines) that would otherwise remain separate.

Why is Interdisciplinary Learning Important at 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology?

The challenges we face in our world are complex and multifaceted. We are complex and multifaceted, and we are understanding that reality more and more deeply as we walk about our neighborhoods, engage in relationships, and participate in our local and global communities. The world needs leaders, thinkers, pastors, artists, and therapists who can approach their work in multifaceted and complex ways. At 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology, we embrace this approach in our name, in our programs, and in our curriculum.

Interdisciplinary learning at 天美视频 means that our faculty have deep expertise in their own fields, but also dexterity in conversations with experts in other fields. Our faculty work together on curriculum and committees, teach together, and even share offices across disciplinary boundaries. What results are generative conversations, consideration of multiple viewpoints and perspectives, and innovative collaboration and curiosity.

Interdisciplinary learning at 天美视频 means that students choose a degree program that meets their vocational needs, but programs are complemented by coursework in the other programs, including a Common Curriculum that invites students to move between the fields of theology and psychology.

Our offers opportunities for encounter, translation, and integration. Interdisciplinary Learning at 天美视频 encompasses all of these things at different points along the journey. Sometimes that means that students might encounter disciplinary questions, ideas, or ways of thinking that help them see the world from a different vantage point. Other times this means that students may find themselves translating what happens across various courses into new language as they make sense of the theological and psychological ways of engaging the world.

Ultimately, we hope the aim is integration, that as our students encounter coursework in the various disciplines, they begin to develop a critical understanding of what each discipline affords and constrains. That is, what it allows us to see and do, as well as its limitations. It is a way of weaving together a multifaceted way of engaging one鈥檚 vocation that draws from the theological and the psychological.

“Given the complexity of today鈥檚 world, we need thinkers and do-ers who understand that complexity. The Interdisciplinary approach offered at 天美视频 prepares students to create holistic solutions by weaving together disciplinary insights as well as both contextual and systemic thinking. As students explore text, soul, and culture, through various methodological frameworks, they come to see their own work as integral to the multi-dimensional fabric of social transformation.” Dr. Jennifer Fernandez

Resources

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鈥淲e are elated that this hard work has come to a good end. It is a sign of our collective commitment to grow, develop, and mature as an institution,鈥� said Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President and Provost. 鈥淭his is a significant milestone, one that has been twelve years in the making.鈥�

The journey toward accreditation began in 2015 when NWCCU approved 天美视频 as an Applicant for Candidacy. As a candidate, the school underwent a rigorous review process and multi-day site visits by the accrediting body, culminating in a final visit in the Fall of 2019. The site team, led by Dr. Linda Samek, Provost, George Fox University, left this last visit with affirming commendations and insights for continued growth.

鈥淭he accreditation process was for us, a very useful and rewarding experience,鈥� said Cheryl Goodwin, Director of Institutional Assessment and Library Services. 鈥淚t made us reflect on our teaching and assessment, challenged us to be self-critical, and gave us extremely valuable guidance to improve our students鈥� educational experience. It is a testament to the dedication of our faculty, staff, students, and alumni who have worked tirelessly in pursuit of accreditation as an important step in the fulfillment of our mission of serving God and neighbor.鈥�

Throughout this process, key members of the institution worked tirelessly to create an Interim Candidacy Self Evaluation Report and ensure all recommendations from the evaluation team were met in a timely manner. The Candidacy stage, as noted in an earlier press release, allows an institution to clarify the institution鈥檚 capacity for long-term impact. 天美视频 achieved accreditation in approximately a year and a half, well ahead of the average Candidacy period of two to four years.

鈥淣WCCU is committed to an accreditation process that adds value to institutions while contributing to public accountability, and we thank you for your continued support of this process,鈥� said Dr. Sonny Ramaswamy, NWCCU President, acknowledging the school鈥檚 achievement.

In their official letter of action, the Commission commended 天美视频 for:

• Its committed, caring, and high-quality faculty and staff.
• The integration of theology and psychology and its deep embodiment of the integrative experience through the holistic student education process as offered by faculty and staff, including the active and relational follow up with alumni.
• Highly committed and well-qualified administrators and trustees who demonstrated steadiness and took on additional responsibilities, all with a keen focus on mission fulfillment.

鈥淎ccreditation through the Northwest Commission on Colleges and Universities marks 天美视频 as an institution that has successfully engaged in a rigorous evaluation process alongside other quality institutions in our region. We are grateful for the years of hard work by our accreditation team, faculty, and staff, and for the maturity and growth that the process has ignited for us as an institution,鈥� said Misty Anne Winzenried, PhD, Associate Dean of Teaching and Learning.

In his announcement to faculty, staff, and students President McNeil stated: 鈥淚t is with great hope and expectation that we look to the future of 天美视频. To the upcoming graduates who will be among the first to culminate their degree with this distinction, and to partnerships that we will build with other institutions and organizations across the Pacific Northwest. We have much to offer, and much to learn and receive.鈥�

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The fragmenting, if not collapsing, social trajectories of the early 21st Century seem to be cutting chords and severing ties between relational partners in a number of life-threatening ways. Technologies have been developed to help us to better communicate, but in actuality, most of what they often do is amplify hash-tagged versions of our speaking selves. Long story short, we鈥檝e stopped listening. We鈥檝e stopped listening to ourselves, to each other, and to the more-than-human world around us.

My fundamental belief is that health is found in belonging, and that our felt sense(s) of belonging dictate much of our acting in the world.

If we follow the lead of systems thinkers who remind us that every intrapersonal experience began as an interpersonal event, then we may come to see how we perpetuate our experiences (or lack thereof) of belonging鈥攐f connection to self and to other鈥攊n integrous ways. In other words, our internal worlds come to be symbolized and replicated in our external worlds, and our external worlds become the theater by which we enact our internal living.

Connections within foster connections without, and vice versa. We were designed in, by, and for relationship (in the image of an intensely relational God), and it is therefore in relationship where our greatest sense(s) of belonging reside. Moreover, we listen from such place(s) of residence, both inside and out. Deep listening, then, points to a willingness to get past the buzz and hum of hotspots and other WiFi connections. It means not just listening with one鈥檚 ears, but with one鈥檚 whole being. Deep listening is a whole-bodied activity.

Ironically, I鈥檝e become keenly aware of this reality in the last couple of years, as the hearing in my left ear has faded, and I鈥檝e now joined the world of hearing aid users. In working with my audiologist this past year, I鈥檝e learned how much listening requires brain activity, and specifically a 鈥渞eady to listen鈥� posture in one鈥檚 brain. My ears may do the work of the hearing, but my brain contributes to the work of listening. Moreover, listening is mental activity, and not just the product of one鈥檚 cochlear functioning.

Speaking of brains, Dan Siegel, founder of the field of interpersonal neurobiology, talks about the multiple brains we have in our body. We have our upstairs brain, or the three pounds of cerebral tissues that make up what most of us refer to as our brain. Siegel also notes, however, the importance of the brain we have in our bellies: the one that often gets associated with one鈥檚 鈥済ut鈥� or 鈥渋ntuition.鈥�

Siegel and other scientists who study such things as bodies, brains, and emotions, help us to know that there are versions of listening that happen much deeper within our bodies than just between our ears. With help from the vagal nerve, which runs from our bellies to our upstairs brains and back again, our bodies are always listening within: listening and responding, without much conscious awareness by the person who lives and dies according to this circuitry. Maybe we鈥檇 like to think that we know what鈥檚 happening in and around us at any given time, but the science tells us otherwise.

So what does all of this have to do with our work here at 天美视频? Well, everything in fact.

In preparation for this current academic year, the faculty of 天美视频 voted in a name change for the series of courses previously called Practicum. Our new name for this important part of our curriculum is Listening Lab, and its new name is meant to mark and to signify our return to the essential nature, quality, and service of listening. If much of the work of Listening Lab is to support a student as they prepare to move from self to service, then listening (and maybe best said deep listening) is one primary path in that direction.

A quick drive by a few of the required texts for Listening Lab reveals that listening requires attention to be paid not only to the words one is offered in a relational moment, but also the fullness of affect and emotion that accompanies the spoken word (Weinberg, 1984). To that end, listening requires a mobilization of the self-engagement system (Siegel, 2010), which includes a full-bodied, full-minded approach to making space in one鈥檚 self for another. Said differently, such (deep) listening is a form of remembering or putting back together that which has been previously fragmented.

From self to other, and from self to service, bearing witness (deep listening) to that which has been lost or broken is a primary means of serving 鈥淕od and neighbor through transforming relationships.鈥�

The soul does not need to be fixed, it needs to be witnessed (a nod to Parker Palmer, here). Bearing witness is an essential element in any healing journey, and the 21 st Century American world finds many of its constituents in need of healing: in need of those who are willing to engage with the pain of fragmentation and the vicissitudes of social isolation. Our society needs a resurgence of priests, or those whose charge it is to call others to re-member. Remembering requires receiving and receiving requires deep listening to that which is being received. To remember is to receive the gift of memory. Listening means holding space for another to remember and therefore (re)connect. Moreover, listening is the pathway to Connection.

Want to connect? Interested in what you鈥檙e hearing here? Sensing the rumblings of a priestly
call? I hope so.

To learn more about studying at 天美视频, visit our graduate programs page or email admissions@theseattleschool.edu.听

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Over the course of a year, students will integrate biblical, cultural, and psychological studies as well as respond to being embedded within their own context, culture, and systems. One of the major shifts of the new common curriculum is instituting a greater reflection and response regarding embeddedness within students鈥� contexts, cultures, and systems.

鈥淎s people of faith navigating a tumultuous time in our nation and in the world, I am even more renewed in my commitment to this learning community linked together through our mission of service. There鈥檚 a for such a time as this quality that feels palpable,鈥� says Dr. J. Derek McNeil, Acting President & Provost.

The revised Common Curriculum courses center around the thought of 鈥淚ntersection鈥� as students engage in the places where theology, psychology, philosophy, sociology, and anthropology intersect.

Our Common Curriculum unites students across disciplines in order to develop perspective and better engage in our world鈥檚 ever-evolving challenges. First year students in our Master of Divinity, MA in Theology & Culture, and MA in Counseling Psychology programs will take three intersections courses and two dialogue-oriented labs.

鈥淎t the crux of our Common Curriculum is the desire to help our learners to have a robust curiosity and growing understanding of God, neighbor, and the space between,鈥� says Dr. Doug Shirley, Assistant Professor of Counseling. Interdisciplinary education is core to 天美视频. Studying one particular discipline affords a certain view or 鈥渓ens鈥� of the world, whereas opening the door to different views gives students an opportunity to move in and out of their own perspectives.

鈥淚鈥檓 deeply grateful for the thoughtful, creative work of our faculty and how much they have invested in reshaping our curriculum. I believe we are called to see the complexity in the world around us and engage it with wisdom and courage. It鈥檚 humbling to be a part of a learning community so invested in forming folks for such a call and for such a time,鈥� says President McNeil.

This fall we will welcome our 22nd cohort. We are honored to participate in their formation and we look forward to these sending them to our alumni community of over 1300 pastors, therapists, social leaders, and artists, joining God in the restoration of their communities.

Learn more about our Common Curriculum.

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Abby: 鈥淪o many of the people I interact with are desperate for the symptoms to go away鈥搕hat鈥檚 why they come to therapy. There is a complexity and a depth, and even an honor and richness that we can offer with [saying] your whole self is telling us something. My gut has been one of the primary ways for me to listen to my own trauma or my own wounding.鈥�

Abby: 鈥淚 think that鈥檚 what I鈥檓 most excited about with the concentration: honing in on more of what it means to be with someone whose mind, body, soul, emotions have been hijacked.鈥�

Derek: 鈥淭his is challenging work. It feels like not just individual healing, but cultural healing. We seem to have not known how wounded we were even though we knew on some level we were deeply wounded. To come to reckon with that wounding and then to come with both strategies, ways of holding, and spiritual ways of being to bring some healing as well as learning feels very important at this moment鈥�

As Derek and Abby discuss the Concentration in Trauma and Abuse, they step into what most excites them about this new offering and what their learning in the play and work of this profession

Abby: 鈥淚鈥檓 really excited to see how I get to marry the Allender Theory with EMDR 鈥�

Derek: 鈥淥ne of the things I鈥檓 excited about with the concentration is us raising the question that we kind of already know. Is this important? Yes. Is this something we have to engage? Yes. I deeply appreciate the sense of calling from you personally as well as The Allender Center corporately for stepping into this.鈥�

Abby: 鈥淚 could geek out for hours on neuroscience, the vagus system, our gut, how trauma is stored in our bodies, what is dissociation. I tell this students in Practicum III, 鈥榊ou have no excuse to be bored in this profession. There are so many avenues that it can take.鈥欌��

Resources to Go Deeper

• You can follow the what The Allender Center is up to at
• Abby mentions the memoir by Truddi Chase, , which follows her journey with dissociative identity disorder from abuse to recovery.
• Abby and Derek discuss her involvement with developing our new Concentration in Trauma and Abuse here at 天美视频. You can learn more about the program and application process on our website.
• In their discussion about the prolific presence of abuse, Abby recalls hearing the news breaking in 2009 about the .
• Derek and Abby talk about collective trauma, where stories are often held in our collective bodies, and Abby mentions that she鈥檚 been reading a book by Resmaa Menakem titled,

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Annie: 鈥淲hile I鈥檓 concerned about what you would think of as politics鈥攚hat would be in the political section of a newspaper鈥擨鈥檓 also thinking about the politics of being human, the politics of church, the relational dynamics between people and between groups. That鈥檚 kind of what I mean by political in the broader sense.鈥�

Annie is the host of , a podcast exploring the long and often problematic story of Christianity in the United States, grounded in the hope that by better understanding where other perspectives are coming from, we can be better conversation partners across difference and contribute to sustainable, collaborative social change.鈥� Her work is primarily concerned with two questions, she says: What do we believe it means to be human? And what do we believe is true about God? On God Help Us, Annie and her guests wrestle with how both of those questions inform our relationship to each other and our response to events in the world around us.

Annie: 鈥�God Help Us is about information, it鈥檚 about what are our commonly held beliefs in this country, how are they informed by our Christian heritage? […] I鈥檓 hoping, on a more meta level, that it鈥檚 also a way of modeling those conversations, so we can feel defensive and have all the human range of emotions while we鈥檙e disagreeing with each other and still continue to talk to each other.”

Much of Annie鈥檚 work can be connected to the category of spiritual darkness, which was the focus of her Integrative Project at 天美视频, 鈥淢aking a Home in the Dark.鈥� In our 2018 Integrative Project Symposium, Annie offered this insight into what draws her to working with spiritual darkness: 鈥淚 think that in those times when everything has been stripped away, we also lose hold of the lies we have believed about ourselves, about each other, and about God. So I鈥檓 left only with my desire and the question of what to do with it, and the question of what to do with this new reality. And I find that the only option really is to come home to myself. And in those places, I find that God is waiting for me there.鈥�

Annie: 鈥淲hen we recognize that we have put our faith in something like patriarchy, it doesn鈥檛 let us go easily. These periods of darkness, of feeling completely lost and at our wits鈥� end, both communally and individually鈥攊t forces us to give up hope in what we鈥檝e put our hope in. And that is this great gift that we can then decide we鈥檙e going to do something different now.鈥�

In an era of fragmented relationships鈥攁nd, therefore, fragmented politics鈥攚e are deeply grateful for the insightful, far-reaching conversations Annie is hosting. Here鈥檚 to listening deeply, speaking boldly, and returning again and again to our connections with each other.

Resources to Go Deeper

• You can learn more about Annie鈥檚 work, including God Help Us, at . And if you have ideas for future topics or guests on the podcast, email godhelp.podcast@gmail.com.
• As this conversation turned to purity culture, it brought to mind an article by Lauren Sawyer (MA in Theology & Culture, (鈥�14). Shauna asked Lauren to record an excerpt for this episode, and here鈥檚 the full article from Feminist Studies in Religion:
• To be fair, Annie鈥檚 reference to is more tangential than thematic. But it really is a great film!
• Shauna references an episode from NPR鈥檚 Invisibilia podcast about the relationship between uncertainty and dogmatism, and what we do when we don鈥檛 know what to do.
• Annie mentions being inspired by this article from Tyrone Beason at the Seattle Times:
• Just in time for summer, we got a bunch of book recommendations from Annie. Happy reading!
  • by Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers
  • by Frank Schaeffer
  • and by Amber Cantorna
  • by Mary Daly
  • by Miguel A. de la Torre

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Earlier this year, two summer-term classes took 天美视频 students beyond our walls (and beyond Seattle). In Engaging Global Partnerships, Dr. Ron Ruthruff, Associate Professor of Theology & Culture, and Cheryl Goodwin, Director of Institutional Assessment & Library Services, led a group of students to Kenya, inviting them to let their assumptions, beliefs, and practices be challenged and clarified by the stories of a place and the people who serve it. That same month, spiritual director and pilgrimage guide (MA in Theology & Culture, 鈥�12) and spiritual director and retired faculty member Tom Cashman journeyed to the Sonoran Desert in Arizona to guide students through a pilgrimage grounded in the ancient Christian tradition of desert spirituality.

Engaging Global Partnerships in Kenya

鈥淲e鈥檙e taking a deep look at the history of colonialism and religion, and the relationship between a place and the people who inhabit it鈥攅specially in places of wounding. How can we enter those wounds in a way that is honoring to others鈥� stories and also helps us reimagine our shared future?鈥�
鈥揇r. Ron Ruthruff

Pilgrimage to the Sonoran Desert

鈥淒uring our time in the desert, we explored the ancient Christian tradition of desert spirituality with an emphasis on the apophatic way and the contemplative path. The word apophatic means 鈥榳ithout image,鈥� and during our time in the desert we sought to abandon our expectations and preconceived notions of God through themes such as awareness, inviting us to non-dual consciousness; surrender, inviting us toward a posture of kenosis or self-emptying; and encounter, inviting us to be present to the desert, the Divine, and ourselves with loving indifference or non-attachment. Ultimately, the fierce landscape of the desert served as teacher and guide on our journey, teaching us how to tend to and be with the sacred and fierce landscape of the soul within.鈥�
鈥揕acy Clark Ellman

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I breathed myself to life, and so can you. My own recovery from the trauma of sexual repression drew me towards the healing medicine of yoga. I am a psychotherapist and a yoga teacher. My passion, obsession, and saving grace is embodiment鈥攖he experience of inhabiting the home of your body. Social forces and generational/personal trauma split the psyche into compartmentalization and dissociation, which inhibit us from fully inhabiting our own skin. I came into this work by following the golden thread of aliveness that vibrated inside of me whenever I stepped towards an act of embodiment.

My journey towards my profession and passion began by confronting my own pain of living in a deadened body.

鈥淢y journey towards my profession and passion began by confronting my own pain of living in a deadened body.鈥�

As a girl I was steeped in an evangelical church that was emotionally and sexually repressed. I was taught to dissociate from my emotion and sexuality. Eager to perform for my community, I was one of the 鈥榞ood鈥� ones. My dissociative abilities grew stronger as they were reinforced and praised. I swallowed my emotions and wore my pledge of virginity until marriage like a badge of honor. I committed to these ideas with resolve, to the point of receiving a purity tattoo鈥攁 dove on my hip that I wouldn鈥檛 allow anyone to see until my wedding night.

As a child I was tirelessly praised for my goodness, my ability to follow all of the rules set before me. The only price I had to pay for this endless stream of praise was my unwavering compliance with the group norms of emotional and sexual repression. As long as I agreed that the impulses of my body were wrong and should be ignored at all costs, I was given power, respect, and trust from a group of people I deeply respected.

As a 3 on the Enneagram, 鈥渢he performer,鈥� my disposition lends me towards being preoccupied with how others see me. 鈥楪ood鈥� became my identity, and my value was centered around how well I could perform to the expectations of those in authority around me. My obsession with blamelessness made me feel afraid to consider my own right to connection and desire.

It is painful to realize I was brainwashed out of connecting to my own sensuality. Over and over again I kissed my college boyfriend (who is now my incredible, gracious husband) while willing myself outside of my body and interrupting our connection if we got 鈥榯oo close.鈥� For years. For five years. That is too many years of not surrendering to the wisdom of our bodies. Our super power, being deeply present with each other, was shadowed by shame and secrecy. By the time we decided we had waited long enough to have sex, I had retreated so far from the felt experience of my body that I didn鈥檛 know how to enjoy it.

Dissociation is the psychological process of blocking out what an individual considers to be harmful. What is defined as 鈥榟armful鈥� within an individual is often the parts of self that may inhibit a sense of belonging to a particular community. I was taught that my body was bad and not to be trusted, so I spent the vast majority of my life ignoring what it was saying to me out of an ethical duty to be 鈥榞ood.鈥� I鈥檓 not the only one. The bodies of countless people growing up within Evangelical communities have been affected by the shameful rhetoric of purity culture.

The trauma of neglecting and shaming my body during vital years of sexual development caused a severe split between my mind and my body. We don鈥檛 learn how to be in our bodies unless we are taught how to follow sensation. In order to keep my purity pledge, I did everything in my power to sever myself from sensation, and in the process inadvertently sent the message to my brain that connection to my body was not to be trusted. My evil body tempted me into sexual sin鈥攁n age-old fable more concerned with power than with sex.

Yoga was the first place I learned how to inhabit my body intimately, in a way that wasn鈥檛 overtly sexual. Yoga was a neutral environment I could enter to learn how to de-thaw my body, without having to hold the emotional complexity of sexual shame that would often come up during sex. It has been through my own yoga practice that I鈥檝e learned that there is ancient medicine in using breath and movement in order to bring bodies back to life. What has historically been my biggest weakness is turning into my biggest strength because my pain forced me to look so closely at my body.

鈥淭here is ancient medicine in using breath and movement in order to bring bodies back to life.鈥�

While I was still dry humping Ben in church parking lots (#wheatonlyfe) in 2006, I attended a 鈥榮tretching and breathing鈥� class (yoga, in disguise) that changed my life. My body, which I had spent so much time trying to separate from and control, was now being gently paid attention to. I learned how to use movement as prayer, and for the first time I began to see how being with my body was a worshipful experience. It made my heart burst wide open to pay attention to myself in this way. Each time I laid in savasana, the final resting pose at the end of a yoga class, I came into direct contact with the weirdness and goodness of my body, the pure delight of feeling my own aliveness. These magical experiences in my body drew me to enroll in a yoga teacher training the summer before I started class at 天美视频. Immersed in the world of body wisdom I began, piece by piece, to land into a body I wasn鈥檛 fully aware I had disowned.

After I graduated, I spent four years working at , a local eating disorder clinic that was my therapeutic boot camp. Working with clients with eating disorders is a minefield of body hatred and dissociation, and I needed to learn quickly how to help my clients tolerate being in bodies that felt deeply unsafe to inhabit. I voraciously read books on embodiment and somatic healing from trauma, and I realized as I read that I needed to heal myself. The deeper I dove into healing my relationship with my body, the more I could teach my students how to find islands of safety within their own skin.

Dissociation is a form of trauma that leaves the body frozen, numb, and unresponsive. When trauma and neglect happen, we need to vacate. It is a sweet gift that the body doesn鈥檛 allow us to come into full contact with the enormity of our pain when we aren鈥檛 safe enough to feel it. I see the body as a manifestation of the unconscious mind, and when we work explicitly with the physical body, we grow awareness to the most hidden parts of our psyche. Yoga is a way to slowly reintroduce ourselves to the disowned parts of ourselves. Using the tools of breath and focused awareness, we can gradually thaw the frozen, clenched parts of our bodies. Now in my private practice, I鈥檓 teaching my clients and yoga students how to reclaim the uncharted waters of their own bodies using meditation, yoga, and breathing practices.

It wasn鈥檛 until I began connecting to my body that I realized how deeply disconnected I had been my entire life. Even now, after spending the last decade working to integrate the experiences of my body, I鈥檓 more aware than ever about how much I still don鈥檛 know about this earth suit of mine. It is endlessly mysterious and mystical to discover the maps of intelligence that are encoded into our bodies. I鈥檒l never arrive at a perfectly embodied or integrated place, but I have breathed myself into a new body. A more fluid, open, welcoming, and grounded body. A body that knows how to lean into care because of all those times she leaned into the earth in savasana and felt held.

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Esther: 鈥淩eality is person-like, and our essential human desire is to know, to understand, to have intimate contact and communion with reality.鈥�

There is a contagious sense of delight in how Esther presents her ideas, and it鈥檚 a bit sneaky: She鈥檚 engaging dense, complex theories, and if you鈥檙e not already into philosophy it might be easy to say 鈥淥h I鈥檓 not interested in that,鈥� or 鈥淭hat鈥檚 over my head.鈥� But if you listen, you might start to hear a contagious, almost childlike joy. Esther describes it as 鈥渆xuberant realism鈥濃�攁 grounded, thoughtful desire to approach the big questions of life with vibrant love and an openness to delight. With this posture, philosophy is not about abstract theory detached from our day-to-day realities; it鈥檚 a discipline that invites us to wrestle with the deep needs of our time in new and meaningful ways.

鈥淭here鈥檚 one thing you need to be philosophical, and that is to be born. Because to be human is to be philosophical.鈥�

Esther: 鈥淚t has everything to do with love of God, but it has everything to do with love of his reality, too.鈥�

Much of this conversation stems from the conviction that our 鈥渄efective modernist epistemology鈥� and our attempts to control reality are problematic, and that we are in need of a new perspective on our relationship to the real. Esther shares how, in her teaching and writing, her hope is to cultivate 鈥渓overs of the real鈥濃�攊ndividuals whose adoration for God and God鈥檚 creation compels them to ask better questions, to pursue meaningful work, and to welcome each other with hospitality and delight. Derek and Esther discuss how that turn toward others is also reflected in what we know of human psychology: to be gazed upon with delight, and to offer delight toward others, is a central part of developing an integrated identity.

Esther: 鈥淭o be seen with delight by someone else is something that allows you to find yourself in that gaze.鈥�

Derek: 鈥淚n the current political climate of our country, it鈥檚 been hard to delight in each other, very hard to see beauty. What we seem focused on is ugliness, and our inability to see each other and delight in each other has been a real challenge.鈥�

Esther鈥檚 insights and philosophies have profound implications on how we conceive of God, how we serve each other, and how we respond to trauma and dis-integration in our world. We are deeply grateful for her work and for the generosity of her presence with us. Thanks to Dr. Esther Meek for joining us, and thanks to all of you for listening!

Resources to Go Deeper

• For more from Esther Meek, you can watch her presentation from the 2018 Stanley Grenz Lecture Series, including a panel conversation with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Chelle Stearns: Integration in a Dis-Integrated World.
• Esther鈥檚 writing has been an important presence in our classrooms for many years. To jump into her work for yourself, a good starting point might be .
• Esther cites Francis Schaeffer鈥檚 book as helping her realize at a young age that her questions about God and the world were not sin, they were philosophical.
• Much of Esther鈥檚 ideas have been developed in conversation with the work of Michael Polanyi, whose text seemed like the only voice in Esther鈥檚 philosophical quest that addressed her deepest questions about reality.

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If you鈥檝e ever worked in ministry or a helping profession鈥攐r any work that requires your full self鈥攜ou know this matters: the rate of burnout is too high, and the cost too steep, to not take seriously the need for resilience. We launched Resilient Leaders Project to help leaders and communities respond to that deep need in the midst of a changing church and fragmented culture.

Kate: 鈥淩esilient Leaders Project is about trying to come alongside leaders in their context to help them construct lives that support their good work, instead of feeling like their lives are at the cost of their work.鈥�

In reflecting on what drew them into this work, Kate and Laura Wade share about their histories with the Church and how they came to believe it could be a space that would welcome them fully and unequivocally, in all of their brokenness and trauma. Because it turns out that it鈥檚 impossible to talk meaningfully about resilience without also talking about trauma.

Kate: 鈥淭here鈥檚 a depth of experience that you must learn to narrate in your own life if you鈥檙e going to integrate the really hard pieces of your life. It鈥檚 not simply bouncing back to the shape that you were before something hard happened, it鈥檚 saying 鈥楬ow did this really difficult situation, this suffering that I went through, actually form me to be in some way more human, more compassionate, and therefore more divine?鈥欌��

鈥淭here鈥檚 a depth of experience that you must learn to narrate in your own life if you鈥檙e going to integrate the really hard pieces of your life.鈥�

Laura Wade: 鈥淩esilience, to me, is finding healing and freedom and voice in the midst of those harmful places, and being able to meet the Spirit and meet God there to be different, to be more of who we are created to be. That鈥檚 the linking of resilience and trauma. I don鈥檛 think you can have resilience without some level of trauma.鈥�

Shauna: 鈥淎nd maybe you can鈥檛 be a human and not have trauma.鈥�

As we gather to reflect together on the trauma of Christ鈥攖he violence, betrayal, death, and resurrection鈥攊n the Church we might also find space to reflect on our own trauma, to lean into a community of others who can help us find language and meaning for that which is beyond words. This is a beautiful hope, that reflecting on the wounds of Christ in community might help us heal from our own wounds, but it is also a risky, vulnerable hope鈥攐ne from which it is all too easy for many leaders to shy away. The rigorous demands and unspoken expectations of leadership often mean that leaders鈥攅specially in church, ministry, and nonprofit settings鈥攁re left feeling as if they cannot disclose experiences of trauma or uncertainty, and like there is not room for them to receive care.

Kate: 鈥淲ounded healer is language that we usually use, but we gloss over the wounded part, which means that we often have healed wounders in those roles.鈥�

鈥淲ounded healer is language that we usually use, but we gloss over the wounded part, which means that we often have healed wounders in those roles.鈥�

Toward the end of the conversation, Kate and Laura Wade share about their experience in the first full year of RLP, inviting leaders into intentional connection, thoughtful reflection, and new practices that create room for their full selves鈥攊ncluding their trauma, doubt, and brokenness鈥攖o be present in their work and relationship. This integrative work is a central part of building resilience, and it is a gift to journey with leaders as they step into that.

Kate: 鈥淢y hope for the Church is that God鈥檚 not done. And it might not look like the church that it looked like in our parents鈥� or grandparents鈥� ages, it might not be focused on Sunday morning worship, but I think God鈥檚 not done in gathering people in a certain type of way. I want to be part of making that happen, and I want to be part of helping resource the creative and courageous people who are stepping into this unknown territory.鈥�

Resources to Go Deeper

• You can learn more about the Resilient Leaders Project鈥攊ncluding our newsletter, upcoming events, and the application process for our next cohort鈥攁t theseattleschool.edu/rlp.
• Kate shares a poem by an anonymous survivor of rape, which reads in its entirety: 鈥淚 can鈥檛 forget what happened, but no one else remembers.鈥� When she was a student at 天美视频, Kate wrote this moving reflection about the installation and about church as a community that remembers and holds.
• Laura Wade recommends a book about integrating the feminine and masculine parts that live in each of us. The book is by Tami Lynn Kent.
• One of the practices Laura Wade mentions that she has returned to because of this work is running. You can read her reflection about how running helps her return to spiritual health in this blog.
• For more on resilience, you can watch Nikkita Oliver鈥檚 stunning talk from our 2018 Humanity Through Community gathering, and you can listen to Nikkita鈥檚 conversation with Shauna Gauthier from an earlier podcast episode.

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