As we reflect on this past spring and look toward the year ahead, we want to honor a few of the individuals helping shape what鈥檚 emerging in our community. This highlight list focuses primarily on newer faculty and recent teaching developments鈥攏ot a comprehensive overview of every professor and their impact. Whether you’re a recent graduate or a long-time alum, may these glimpses offer renewed connection to the wisdom, formation, and care being cultivated in our classrooms.

Dr. Elizabeth (Lizz) Barton (Core Faculty) joined the Counseling Psychology faculty in 2024, bringing over 20 years of experience in university counseling centers. A licensed clinical psychologist with dual doctorates in Clinical Psychology and Theology, she鈥檚 known for her relational depth, embodied teaching, and commitment to helping emerging clinicians find their voice. Originally from rural Washington, Lizz integrates her love for story, formation, and belonging both in the classroom and in her community.

Dr. Allison Bradford Chow听(Adjunct Faculty)
New to our adjunct faculty, Alison Bradford Chow,听补 天美视频 alum, brings a clinical lens shaped by psychoanalytic psychotherapy, and an appreciation for the ways our earliest experiences shape our lives. More about Allison is coming soon!

Dr. Monique Gadson (Core Faculty)
For Spring 2025 term, Monique Gadson introduced a new elective: African American Experiences in Societal Context. Through historical, cultural, and personal engagement, students were invited to reflect on how systemic realities shape both their own formation and their future work in clinical and ministerial contexts. The course is part of a growing commitment to center underrepresented narratives within our curriculum.

Shauna Gauthier, MA (Adjunct Faculty)
Alum Shauna Gauthier taught CSL 564 Assessment & Treatment of Trauma & Abuse in Spring 2025 offering students a grounded, compassionate environment to engage complex clinical content. Students praised the course鈥檚 thoughtful pacing and spacious design, noting Shauna鈥檚 ability to blend structure and emotional care鈥攁 hallmark of trauma-informed pedagogy.

Dr. Paul Hoard (Core Faculty)
In his Helping Relationships courses, Paul Hoard has been integrating tools like AI into roleplay and training exercises, inviting students to explore empathy and therapeutic dialogue in new ways. These experiments foster both clinical skills and critical discussions about the role of AI in mental health care鈥攁 timely and necessary conversation.

Dr. Joel Kiekintveld (Adjunct Faculty)
Joel brings experience in both pastoral leadership and clinical practice. His teaching bridges the spiritual and psychological with grounded clarity, helping students navigate vocational discernment and integrative formation.

Dr. Ron Ruthruff (Core Faculty)
Each spring, Ron Ruthruff leads one of our most beloved intensives: SFD 520 Engaging Local Partnerships: Northwest Native American History, Spirituality, and Culture. Held in Yakima, this travel course offers a deeply immersive learning experience through partnership with Indigenous communities. Alumni consistently describe it as a formative turning point鈥攚here land, story, and responsibility converge. Ron鈥檚 steady leadership reflects our commitment to place-based learning and the wisdom of community elders.

Dr. Lauren D. Sawyer (Affiliate Faculty)
Last year, in Beauty, Brokenness, & the Cross, Lauren Sawyer offered a hybrid-format course featuring podcast-style lectures and asynchronous learning. Her theological imagination and accessible teaching style created a powerful space for reflection and embodiment. We鈥檙e also celebrating Lauren鈥檚 upcoming book release: Growing Up Pure: White Girls, Queer Teens, and the Racial Foundations of Purity Culture, which explores identity, faith, and adolescence with academic and cultural insight.

Dr. Adam Schneider (Adjunct Faculty)
Adam (MACP, 2017), an experienced psychodynamic psychologist, is new to adjunct faculty this fall. His teaching is marked by practical experience, theoretical rigor, and a deep commitment to ethics. We鈥檙e honored to welcome Adam into the classroom.

Dr. Doug Shirley (Core Faculty)
Doug Shirley brings a rich legacy of integrative teaching that weaves together theology, psychology, and spiritual formation. Known for his invitational tone and reflective depth, Doug鈥檚 courses鈥攍ike Spiritual Formation & Direction鈥攐ffer students frameworks to sustain healing work for the long haul.

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On January 11, 2025, 天美视频 hosted its third annual community-wide Day of Scholarship on campus in Seattle during our Winter Residency, connecting community members to the wider disciplinary and interdisciplinary conversations across our institution. This year鈥檚 theme 鈥淓ngaging (An)other鈥� emphasized the work of Dr. Esther Meek and her contributions as our current Senior Scholar including the . This publication, Dr. Meek’s gift to 天美视频, served as an opportunity for faculty and staff to model and practice engaging in discourse with each other. Day of Scholarship 2025 featured a panel discussion highlighting the eight essays where faculty and staff responded to “.” Current students, alumni, staff, and faculty also presented research posters and facilitated breakout sessions, discussing aspects of their research, work, and publications, as noted in the tables below. During this third year of Day of Scholarship, participants once again had opportunities to explore key questions that 天美视频 community members are pursuing in their work and research in Seattle and across the country.

Day of Scholarship 2025 Poster Presentations

Day of Scholarship 2025 Breakout Session Presenters

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What brought you to 天美视频?

The short answer was it was a calling fulfilled. The long answer is very long and probably too long for this interview.听 My journey to 天美视频 was influenced by my own trauma work; my gifted and kind counselors (I did both individual and group therapy with alumni of 天美视频); the work of Dan Allender, particularly the Wounded Heart book/workbook; and an amazing preview weekend that left me feeling like I made sense and belonged somewhere for the first time in my life.听听

When you came to 天美视频, why did you decide to go through your degree program?

I completed the Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (MACP) in 2015. I chose this program because I dared to dream that I could be a counselor one day, despite my own woundings.听 I chose 天美视频 because I felt like it would grow my own capacity to sit with tension and to be kind to myself and others.听 I also strongly wanted to learn from Dr. Dan Allender.听 With that said, I was pleasantly surprised to be greatly influenced and shaped by other professors, including Dr. Roy Barsness, Dr. Stephanie Neill, Dr. Steve Call, Dr. O’Donnell Day, Dr. Dwight Friesen, and Laura Shirley.

What did you hope you would be able to do following graduation?

I hoped to work as a counselor and I jumped right in!听 It was anxiety-producing work at first.听 I often found myself wondering, “Can I really sit with someone else in their pain and woundings?”听 But my time at the school prepared me and here I am, 10 years later, still doing the work.听听

How has your work today been informed by your education at 天美视频?

I think my time at 天美视频 helped me ground my work in a belief system that still sustains me to this day.听 I believe people bear the image of God.听 I believe people’s behavior makes sense in the context of their particular woundings and hurt.听 I believe I can only take people as far as I have gone, meaning I am still in my own counseling.听 I believe I need to understand my own story so I know when it’s influencing my work with clients.听 I believe we need community to do this work well (…to know ourselves well, to heal, to grow…for oh so much) and 天美视频 has provided me with a supportive community to continue to grow.

What inspires you or gives you hope?

People.听 I know we are in a phase where people are more divisive than ever, but I truly am inspired by people. Being a counselor has privileged me to see some of the best of humanity.听 Yes, there is often so much shit and people regularly hurt each other, myself included, but deep inside there is goodness and love.听 I get to see that in beautiful and profound ways.听 I often feel like my clients offer me more than I offer them, and they don’t even know it!

What does flourishing and service to God and neighbor look like in your life?

Tough question.听 I’m in a tough season of life.听 It’s a season of transition and change.听 I think right now flourishing is staying true to my essential self and continuing to do my own healing work so that I can be fully present and engaged with others.

Who are the people who support your flourishing, and what practices do you engage that help you flourish?

I have really good people in my life: my husband, my children, my tribe of women (other local alumni with whom I gather), my friends. They help me be a better me.听 Practices that I engage in to flourish include my own counseling, pilates, gardening, reading, walking, and being part of a book club.听

What is one piece of wisdom or advice you would give to prospective students interested in pursuing the same degree program as you?

Find people who think differently than you and engage with them.听 Practice noticing what the differences do to you and how they impact your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.听 Also, find people you can be yourself with, with whom you can relax.听 Share yourself with your safe people, even the difficult stuff.听 Go to counseling and stay in counseling.听 There is always so much to learn and process.听听

Learn more about our Master of Arts in Counseling Program: take the next step in your journey and !听

The post Alumni Spotlight: Q&A with Nicole Hagerty MACP ’15 appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.

What brought you to 天美视频?

When I started researching grad schools, I got curious about my own journey in therapy. There were therapists that I did not connect well with, and others that I look back with a lot of gratitude for the work that we did. It felt clear to me that when I felt invited and accepted, as well as seen and deeply known, that the work in those relationships was powerful. I came to 天美视频 because I wanted to learn how to attune with, journey alongside, see the beauty in, and empower each person who comes to my office.听

When you came to 天美视频, why did you decide to go through your degree program?

I first thought about being a therapist in 2002. I was volunteering on a sexual assault hotline, and doing advocacy work. I look back at my journey and think about Jonah, except Jonah was only swallowed by a fish once, as far as we know. The invitation came back several times, and it wasn’t until 2012 that I felt the invitation and thought, I think becoming a therapist is my next season.听

What did you hope you would be able to do following graduation?

When I first came to 天美视频, I wanted to keep my expectations open. Except, I did think I in no way wanted to work with children. Which come to internship, there I was, working with children and adolescents. I had a desire to work with trauma, however I left it open to be revealed to me what that could look like.听

How has your work today been informed by your education at 天美视频?

My time at 天美视频 continues to inform my practice as I witness the beauty of humans coming alive, and increasing their understanding of the intersecting layers of who they are, and how they show up in the world.

What inspires you or gives you hope?

I’m in awe of my clients, and the work that they do. The small steps, and the big steps. In class I once heard Dan Allender say, “Love changes people always.” It gives me hope to see people bravely stepping into trauma work, and the impacts it has not only on their lives, but also the lives of the people around them.听

What does flourishing and service to God and neighbor look like in your life?

When I think about flourishing and service to God and neighbor, I think about how I am loving God, loving self, and loving neighbor. I often feel most connected to and in service to God in nature, and in community. I often think about how I am both stewarding the planet well, and relationships in community. When I think about loving myself, I think about the continued work I do on my own story, not only for my healing, but also for how I am engaging with and raising my children. Neighbor can not only be a community both small and wide, but also my clients. I am mindful of how I show up in community, and the impact that I have. I am also intentional about how I set up and run my practice, as well as how I sit with my clients.

Who are the people who support your flourishing, and what practices do you engage that help you flourish?

Friends, found family, and colleagues who come alongside me have been necessary. One practice I have learned is communicating my needs. I have found these relationships to be supportive not only when they check in with me because they care about me, but also when I communicate when I am struggling, and how I can be supported. Having a going to, and leaving work ritual has been supportive of my awareness of what I am carrying in my body and mind. Playing music and creating art is not only a practice I find helpful, but also connects me to community. Being in nature is another important practice. Whether that is going for a hike, sitting next to a creek, or walking a labyrinth, I find spending time in nature to be grounding and a place for processing and reflection.听

What is one piece of wisdom or advice you would give to prospective students interested in pursuing the same degree program as you?

Be open. You are about to learn a lot about not only therapy but also yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be mindful of what you say yes to, and what you say no to. Also, get support if you need it. I am grateful for the disability accommodations that helped me be successful in the program.

Learn more about our Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology program.

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When did you graduate?听

I graduated in 2016 from the Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (MACP) program.听

Where are you now?听

After almost 5 years in Nashville, I recently moved about an hour away to Clarksville, Tennessee to live with my now wife and stepdaughter. Moving, getting married, and becoming a parent has been a huge transition, but I love my new life!听

What shape has your vocation taken?听

At some point during my internship at Recovery Cafe, I realized that being a therapist wasn鈥檛 the direction I wanted to go. I don鈥檛 function well when I have to sit still for long periods of time, so after graduation I found myself looking for ways to best use my passion for storytelling.听

This has taken me in a number of different directions. I鈥檓 a photographer (mostly 35mm film these days) and love taking photos of people. I鈥檓 working with students as a tutor and often find myself mentoring as much as teaching, as many of my kids have ADHD and need extra support.听

I鈥檓 also a small business consultant () working with therapists (some from 天美视频), small businesses, non-profits, and other sole practitioners on their business and marketing strategies. I build websites, create digital content, provide operational support, and set up SEO and social media profiles.听

How has your vocation been shaped by your time at 天美视频?

What I鈥檓 passionate about is the messaging side of my business. This is where my time at 天美视频 and my ability to listen to others and help them express their story has really impacted my professional life. Helping all types of small businesses, but especially therapists and other sole practitioners, understand their passion, narrow their focus, and use their stories to engage potential clients brings me great joy.听

What new focuses/interests did you develop and pursue after graduation?

I鈥檝e found myself drawn in a number of directions since graduation. Shooting film photography and playing pickleball are a couple of new interests. What has surprised me most since school is probably the way my creativity has come alive. My wife is a YouTube content creator and we work together in different ways, including photography.听

Do you have any updates you’d like to share with your alumni family?

I recently got married and have a 9-year-old stepdaughter!听

Any favorite memories from 天美视频 you’d like to share?听

As I thought about this question, I kept coming back to the amazing trips and adventures school allowed me to experience. The location of the school and the available breaks allowed so much time for friends and me to see some of the most beautiful sights I鈥檝e ever experienced. The school鈥檚 location in the PNW was such a blessing!

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These books are not required for any particular course, but instead are a peek into our hearts and minds as we enter this new season.

As you discern what books you鈥檇 like to add to your summer list, we invite you to consult and consider buying a book from a Black-owned independent bookstore.

Community Recommendations
	by Padriag O鈥橳uama听 Recommended by Millicent Haase, MDiv ’21, Admissions Counselor听 From master storyteller and host of On Being’s Poetry Unbound, P谩draig 脫 Tuama, comes an unforgettable memoir of peace and reconciliation, Celtic spirituality, belonging, and sexual identity. 鈥�It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.鈥澨�
	by Cole Arthur Riley听 Recommended by McKenna Hight, MDiv ’24 This quote from the introduction sets the frame: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER: In her stunning debut, the creator of Black Liturgies weaves stories from three generations of her family alongside contemplative reflections to discover the 鈥渘ecessary rituals鈥� that connect us with our belonging, dignity, and liberation.听听 鈥淭o be human in an aching world is to know our dignity and become people who safeguard the dignity of everything around us.鈥澨�
	by Dr. Angela Parker听 Recommended by McKenna Hight, MDiv ’24 A challenge to the doctrine of biblical inerrancy that calls into question how Christians are taught more about the way of Whiteness than the way of Jesus.听 鈥淚n essence, If God Still Breathes, Why Can鈥檛 I allows me to hold the idea of Scripture as authoritative while interrogating the doctrines of inerrancy and infallibility as tools of White supremacist thought that promote the erasure of communal memory.鈥澨�

More Community Recommendations:

Cheryl Goodwin, Director of Institutional Assessment and Library Services 听

• by Brian McClaren听

Daniel Tidwell-Davis, Director of Student & Academic Services听

• 听 by Ash Van Oterloo听
• by James Alison听

Jana Peterson, MDiv ’21 & current theology doctoral student at 听

• by Randy Woodley听
• by Steven Heinrichs听
• by Robin Wall Kimmerer听
• by Osheta Moore
• by Jennifer Grace Bird Dr. Ron Ruthruff, Associate Professor of Theology and Culture

Dr. Joel Kiekintveld, Adjunct Faculty, Listening Lab Leader听

• by Randy Woodley听
• by Hartmut Rosa听
• by Andrew Root and Blair D. Bertrand听
• by James K. A. Smith听

Katrina Fitzpatrick, Assistant Instructor听

• by Richard Twiss听
• by Kristin Kobes Du Mez听听
• by Randy Woodley and Bo Sanders听
• by Isabel Wilkerson听

Krista Law, MACP ’12 & MATC ’13, Enrollment Manager听

• by Wil Gafney听

Lauren Peiser, Director of Partnerships听

• by Matthias Roberts听

Mackenzie Martin, Academic Advisor听

• by Rebecca Roanhorse听

Dr. Maria Fee, Adjunct Faculty听

• by Willie James Jennings听
• by Courtney Bryant听
• by Patrick Bringley
• by Elissa Yukiko Weichbrodt
• by Lucretia B. Yaghjian
• by Madeleine L’Engle

Dr. O鈥橠onnell Day, Associate Professor of Counseling Psychology

• by Patrick Casement
• by M Fakhry Davids
• by Narendra Keval
• by Frank Lowe
• by Thomas Ogden听

Dr. Paul Hoard, Assistant Professor of Counseling Psychology

• by Stephen Mitchell and Margaret Black
• by John Caputo听
• by Resmaa Menakem
• by Richard Mitchell
• by Neil Postman听听
• by Daniel Jose Gaztambide听
• by Emily Nagoski听
• by Slavoj Zizek听
• by Bessel van der Kolk听
• by Julia Serano听

Dr. Ron Ruthruff, Associate Professor of Theology and Culture

• by Philip S Gorski and Samuel Perry
• by Andrew Whitehead听
• by Pamela Cooper White听
• by Joshua Bloom and Waldo E. Martin JR听听

Dr. Pat Loughery, Affiliate Faculty听听

• by Rob Walker 听
• by Becky Chambers
• by Oliver Burkeman

Jeanette Scott, MACP ’08, Practicum Leader

• by Colin Woodard

We look forward to being in conversation with you about the places your own readings and curiosities take you this summer when we enter into learning together this fall. Until then, we hope each of us can find some good time in the sun.

The post What to Read Before September appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.

In this second episode of Board Games & Mental Health, Jermaine Ma, Paul听Hoard, and听Paul听Steinke continue听their conversation around the intersection of board games, psychology, and theology while playing the game “Small World.”听Paul听Hoard sets the table for this episode, guiding us through the rules of the game, and talking about the nature of play as a psychic state found in games and psychotherapy. Learn how Small World sparked Paul’s passion for board games as he first began to fall in love with the hobby. Dive into the engaging discussions on topics of therapy, colonialism, capitalism, and more. Check out Episode 1 for more from these three faculty and staff.

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What year/degree program were you?

I was 鈥渏ust鈥� the sidekick spouse when hubby Dr. Dave Beach (MAC ’02) began his Master in Counseling program in May 1999. Early policy invited spouses to attend lectures, so I relished learning under Dan and others. Soon, though, Dr. Heather Webb introduced the Certificate in Spiritual Direction. The notion arrested me. I loved spiritual direction鈥檚 quiet listening鈥攁nd what it offered the toolbox of soul care.

Tell us about your journey to 天美视频 and your life now.

Two thousand miles. That鈥檚 what we traveled from our West Michigan home. I also left a tenure-track position as an English professor. Dave, a widower, had returned to finish his B.A. when we met. His graduation was on a Friday and that Sunday we flew to Washington. It was our grand adventure.

In a miracle equal to the Red Sea parting, the college contacted me in 2002鈥搚es, precisely as Dave finished鈥攁nd invited me back to full-time teaching. In December 2023, I completed my thirtieth year as a professor of Creative Writing.

Any favorite memories from 天美视频 you’d like to share?

Even the simple word 鈥渇ine鈥濃�攁mong other things鈥攖ook on new meaning.

What shape has your vocation taken?

Serving writers and writing defines my vocation. Creative soul glitches and craft glitches fascinate me. To collect more soul and craft tools, I studied creativity under Dr. Eric Maisel and later completed an MFA in fiction writing. Before 天美视频, I freelanced as a journalist and, in the years since, have continued to write articles and novels. Writer鈥檚 Digest, an industry mag, will run my article, 鈥淓diting the Sulks鈥� this September.

How has your vocation been shaped by the work you did at 天美视频?

The quiet listening. The discernment. These key notions in spiritual direction have guided my shepherding of students and conference participants. Dan (Allender)鈥檚 early integration grid of Faith, Hope, and Love widened my notions of 鈥淐hristian fiction鈥� beyond what conservative Christian publishing houses emphasized. The psychological truth of a character matters to me.

What new focuses/interests did you develop and pursue after graduation?

I co-founded two writing conferences: Breathe (2006-2021) and now with the wonderful Newbery-winner Gary D. Schmidt. Scriptoria is a Protestant-Catholic effort that鈥檚 held at Calvin University.

Do you have any updates you’d like to share with your alumni family?

InterVarsity Press launches , a contemporary novel about a Chicagoland megachurch pastor who refused to do his soul work. It deconstructs celebrity church and reminds us how easy it is to forget this tenet: 鈥淟ove your neighbor as yourself.鈥�

The post Alumni Spotlight: Q&A with Cynthia Beach CSD ’02 appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.

In January 2024, 天美视频 held the second annual Day of Scholarship on campus during Winter Residency. This year鈥檚 theme of 鈥淲hat If There鈥檚 More?鈥� aimed to connect 天美视频 community members to wider disciplinary and interdisciplinary conversations across our institution. Current students, alumni, staff, and faculty presented Research Posters and facilitated Breakout Sessions, discussing aspects of their research, work, and publications. The Day of Scholarship fostered a spirit of collaboration as presenters engaged community members in exploring key questions. The tables below represent the work shared at Day of Scholarship 2024 through Research Posters and Breakout Sessions. In its second year, this event once again brought together participants and presenters from across 天美视频 community, including the , , and as well as staff, faculty, alumni, and current students.

Day of Scholarship 2024 Breakout Session Presenters

Day of Scholarship 2024 Poster Presenters

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Introduction & Preview

Here we claim that the ghosts and shadows of institutions such as ours now speak to things that we need to hear. They keep watch and hold vigil. They help us to see that which we can only see in part, if even in frustrating or even alienating ways. To that end, we seek to honor the ghosts and shadows of those who have come before us. In this blog series our purposes are as follows: 1) to create words and frames for taking responsibility for our part(s) of our institutional history, and 2) to invite conversation and response. We hope you鈥檒l join us in this journey.

Our lineage is one of fire and ashes, ghosts and shadows, ghouls and angels, shame, and beauty. Ghosts and shadows can haunt us in ghoulish ways. But they can also point to realities that must be engaged for the transformation made possible through love to have its way.听听

Ghosts and Shadows: Systemic Inheritance

Ghosts and shadows are the stuff of institution. They are the me/not-me of places like graduate schools, and maybe even graduate schools like our own. Hence, we have made them鈥揼hosts and shadows鈥搕he focus of this blog series, meant to join in the celebration of our first 25 years of institutional living, but also with the look ahead to the next 25 years.

To begin, a bit of context. Martin Buber (1970) acknowledged that institutions will always bear limits, given the I-It framework on which institutions are built. Speaking of I-It, Anderson (2016) highlighted the continued, systemic failure of American institutions to prioritize and value all citizens, instead most enact the 鈥渨hite rage鈥� of a white supremacist system on bodies of color. James Carse (1986) proposed that power (often associated with white supremacist systems) looks to maintain the status quo, whereas strength allows the horizon to move. Wilfred Bion (Rioch, 1970) spoke to how groups of people will, at a less than conscious level, abide by their own survival needs when such needs seem to be threatened in some way. Moreover, institutions (just like the people who operate within them) have limits, and often those limits are maintained by (quests for) power. Power can be used to defend one鈥檚 very (institutional) survival, either real or imagined.

We are at a cultural point of questioning the importance and value of institutions. There is no question that institutions like ours have failed and will continue to fail. And yet, while institutions continue to fail and cause harm, they are also places that hold and support. While the white church in the US, for example, has long been complicit in the oppression, lynching, and enslavement of Black bodied-Americans, the Black church has long been a source of hope, resistance and support (Cone 2011 and Jennings 2010;2020).

And so it goes that here we find ourselves as core faculty at 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology, an institution that was founded by a bunch of dreamers who wished for something new and different from and for graduate education, and specifically theological education. Those dreamers pushed, and maybe most notably they pushed off of what had come before them. Fantasies of what had come prior turned to imaginations for what could be.

In concordance with those fantasies, here at 天美视频, the faculty have been working to actively (re)imagine our curricula and pedagogy for many a year now. A benefit of being a newer institution, not confined by certain bureaucracies or funding sources, is that we can work to become and to stay relevant in the midst of an ever-changing educational and cultural landscape. We can seek the horizon, even in the midst of trying to keep our doors open and to make sure we are abiding by things like our accreditation standards and the codes of ethics that govern our work.

So how does it go? The work is difficult, and the work is perennial. Sometimes there is fun and joint exploration, and sometimes there is distress and consternation. We know of the importance of making the implicit explicit, and we know what happens to messages that hover in the realm of the implicit.

For me (Paul Hoard), here at 天美视频 the implicit has haunted my experience like family secrets at one鈥檚 in-laws. I鈥檝e just joined this community in the fall of 2021 and have found myself confronted with the nameless ghosts of what’s come before me. That I am new, though, doesn鈥檛 insulate me from the power of these specters. In faculty meetings, I often find myself swept up in the apathy, affects, and arguments that are somehow both mine and not mine; struggles that have long predated me. They tie me to a story that has been playing out officially at least at our institution for the past 25 years. I am buffeted by these ghosts, at times driven by an almost manic energy to produce and innovate while almost simultaneously yanked back into a defensive retreat from the intensity and fray. I find such a desire to shine and prove myself alongside a fear that I will disappear into a collective.

Each time I (Doug Shirley) 鈥渆nter the building鈥� (which can include a Zoom room for a meeting or a synchronous class session), I experience a certain haunt. As a 鈥渇irst-born son鈥� of the institution (the first alum to enter the ranks of core faculty), I am often aware of the 鈥渘ot-ness鈥� that is in me to pursue: just like those early dreamers were interested in positioning themselves towards what they were not (e.g. a philosophically modern, theological institution), I am often compelled to position myself as something or someone those dreamers were not (e.g. able to live out their mission together, etc.). The institutional 鈥渘ot me鈥� that seems to be baked into so much of the dreamers鈥� framework, and to linger in so many of our staff meetings and class sessions, finds valence in me, a progeny of this institution.

The problem with a focus on 鈥渘ot-ness鈥� is that it doesn鈥檛 leave one with anywhere to move towards. Freedom from is not freedom for, and in many cases, is not really freedom at all. In philosophy this is seen as the concept of determinant negation. We are far more determined by what we think we are not than by what we are. In psychological theory we get the paradoxical theory of change: the more one attempts to be something they are not, the more things stay the same. If I (Doug Shirley), as the progeny of the generation before me, try to 鈥渘ot鈥� be something that generation was, the likelihood that such efforts will lead to anything meaningful, generative, or sustainable is low, as so many of us become our parents despite all efforts to be anything but them. Though such efforts are often the early entry ways into something new and different, if one settles for the not-ness of something, one never has a something to turn to.

At 天美视频, we are haunted by the legacies of the founders and the faculty who came before. Their gifts and their struggles, their arrogance and their humility, their service and their memories linger in the halls and digital spaces. Legacies call us back to that which was: They are often much more about the person leaving the legacy than they are to the person to whom the legacy is left (or maybe better said, who is left by the legacy). Higher education is rife with legacy. It can be a great honor to carry on the work of those who came before you but it is a great burden to carry their expectations.

Additionally, as with many other parts of our capitalist society, higher education lures and rewards the more self-interested, self-aggrandizing and narcissistic sides of each of us. While many professors begin with sincere conscious desires to help the world and to pursue wisdom and truth, we often quickly lose sight of such as we are seduced by our own legacy (power, survival needs) and the pressure to succeed and perform. Questions like, 鈥淲hat will I leave behind?鈥� or 鈥淗ow will I be remembered?鈥� fill in the spaces between subject and object, progeny and progenitor, previous employee and one currently gathering a paycheck.

What then can/do we do as those left by a legacy (or threatening to leave one ourselves)? Carrying on a work that is haunted by the ghosts and shadows of those who came before is confusing at best and isolating more often. When a person鈥檚 work has been undermined by their own actions, what is the task left to those who come after? Do we hold to what they think they left us? Do we abandon their struggle in favor of our own? Do we define or demarcate ourselves by what we are not? What happens when we hear something in their efforts that they no longer hear?

Ghosts and shadows never go away. And the misnomer that haunts them is that they exist to engage in ill will. What if this weren鈥檛 the case? What if light and dark held and conveyed in ghosts and shadows were merely contrasts? What if one could never escape the dark, because of its relation to the light?

Here we claim that the ghosts and shadows of institutions such as ours now speak to things that we need to hear. They keep watch and hold vigil. They help us to see that which we can only see in part, if even in frustrating or even alienating ways. To that end, we seek to honor the ghosts and shadows of those who have come before us. In this blog series our purposes are as follows: 1) to create words and frames for taking responsibility for our part(s) of our institutional history, and 2) to invite conversation and response. We hope you鈥檒l continue to join us in this journey.

Ghosts and Shadows: Ghouls and Angels

I (Paul Hoard) have found Lacanian theory incredibly helpful as I have tried to navigate my place in the school. It has given me language for thinking about the unthinkable and about the limitations of my own ability to conceptualize that which may be hard to put into words. Lacanian theory argues that reality as we experience it can be divided into three intersecting registers: the real, imaginary, and symbolic. The imaginary and symbolic registers compromise our conscious, subjective experiences of the world. They comprise the rules and relationships between the things that we identify and experience. The real, however, is that which can鈥檛 be put into words: that which isn鈥檛 able to be symbolized and remains impossible. In a game of chess, for example, the symbolic and imaginary work together uniting theme and rules to make a structured game of medieval combat. The real of chess, though, would be everything related to the context and players of the game: what can鈥檛 be contained in the game itself. The real constantly interacts with and irrupts into the game, but can鈥檛 be conceived of in the limited world of pawns and rooks.

Ghosts and shadows, the focus of this ongoing conversation, exist in the real, and therefore will continue to haunt us from that place. The risk we run is limiting ourselves to what we imagine these ghosts and shadows are telling us, instead of trusting beyond our perception or understanding of the impossible real they point to. When we try to force ourselves to live into what we can only imagine, we create a resistance to the real. A resistance to what the ghosts and shadows are inviting us to re-member. In this way ghosts and shadows become misidentified as malicious ghouls, or the undead zombies from the past that refuse to stay buried. They become the stuff of nightmares, judging and condemning our inability to ever measure up. Alternatively when we can hope beyond what we can currently imagine, we leave open the possibility of a 鈥減erhaps鈥� that these spectral guests may host. This, however, involves a release of what we think they mean: what is made thinkable by our imaginary-symbolic. The real is always something beyond what seems possible, and that is why pursuing such is always an act of faith. Listening for this real requires a release of control and a foolish hope in what we cannot see.

天美视频 is a graduate school. It is an institution of higher learning. But our institution was founded on an espousal of difference: a reach beyond that which often existed in the academy, and maybe specifically in theological education. We share hope in subverting systems and empowering students; we seek to transform individuals, communities, and therefore (at least our little corner of) the world. So as we wrestle with texts and argue with scholars and one another, we bring such texts into conversation and dialogue with soul and culture.

However, text is never neutral. in Plato鈥檚 Phaedrus dialogue Socrates recounts a myth around the significance of the written word stating 鈥淸written letters] give your disciples not truth but only the semblance of truth; they will be hearers of many things and will have learned nothing; they will appear to be omniscient and will generally know nothing; they will be tiresome company, having the show of wisdom without the reality.鈥� Text in its very nature has impact.

Inscribing ideas into text carries with it a loss and an insulation from the real. There鈥檚 a calcification that takes place as the words become fixed while context(s) and time changes. Lacan argues that the signifiers and the signified of language never fully align. Therefore all communication is a failure. As such, when we concretize the signifiers through writing, the slippage of the signified鈥搊r the intended message鈥搃s guaranteed. Consider for example, how many wars have been fought in the name of Jesus. We may invoke his name, but its use bears no resemblance to the person who willingly died for others in a radical refusal of hate and violence. Jesus in America today mostly signifies nationalism, bigotry, sexism, and hate instead of a self-sacrificing love for all.

Recognizing that our inherited approach to learning is not the real does not condemn us to forsake it in search of another. Such a quest would be another way of holding on to the fantasy that a perfect, objective approach can exist. Instead, the failure of our inheritance (or the inheritance of many failures) is an invitation to push further into that which we seek in order to find its limits and thus hope for more. In the words of the classic children鈥檚 book Going on a Bear Hunt (Rosen, 1989), 鈥渨e can鈥檛 go over it, we can鈥檛 go under it, oh no! We鈥檝e gotta go through it.鈥� We try to hold the text in such a way that we can play, or simultaneously exist in the 鈥渁s-if鈥� realness of our world, knowing full well it鈥檚 not the full real. We listen for the liminal, impossible, thin space between the borders of our imaginary-symbolic realities and an unimaginable real that鈥檚 beyond our current possibilities.

Being a community of higher-education with an emphasis on text.soul.culture is inherently contradictory, with many contradictions baked into us as an institution (though we鈥檙e certainly not alone here). If we zoom into our name alone, we come face to face with the first of these budding contradictions. Before even addressing the tension between theology and psychology, the name 鈥溙烀朗悠碘�� presents us with an impossibility. Seattle sees itself as a symbol of progressive protesters, defying and toppling systems of oppression and control, and subverting modern forms of power. Whereas, 鈥渟chool鈥� is one of the oldest institutions in western culture responsible for maintaining the status quo and existing power dynamics. Schools are notorious for moving at a snail鈥檚 pace, and those snails are often patriarchal and paternalistic. Seattle is imagined to be techy, new, innovative, and egalitarian. Schools are thought to be archaic, slow, and hierarchical. So how can we claim to be a 天美视频 without inherently claiming a deep sense of contradiction, irony, and hypocrisy? Don鈥檛 these two signifiers (Seattle and School) sit diametrically opposed to one another?

Moreover, might this be our birthright as faculty and the community of 天美视频? Might we have been 鈥渂orn鈥� into this fight, this tension, this essential impossibility? We would argue that 天美视频 has worked to discover and to map an impossible space since its inception, if not its very conception. A school in Seattle. A progressive religious community. A theologically oriented school of psychology. We work to defy the 鈥渟houlds鈥� of today鈥檚 cultural battles, insisting on a space of impossibility. But such a space has come with a cost.

The problem with striving to exist in a space of impossibility is that we don鈥檛 arrive where we intend to go and we constantly risk (if not guarantee) falling short鈥攎istaking our re-imagining for the irruption of the real. We see the fruits of our trevails in the painful fragmentation and splitting that comes in search of the impossible real: fragmentation between faculty, between students, between departments, and between constituents. But failure is also the birthplace of creativity. And impossibility is the birthright we have been given.

Psychologically speaking, one is able to exist in contradiction through a range of responses, including dissociative splitting or integrative growth. In dissociative splitting we cut off connection with parts of ourselves (or others) so as not to face the contradiction. We resolve the dissonance of the other by ignoring, denying, or avoiding. Fragmentation becomes our deliverable. In contrast, in growth we are able to integrate these disparate parts of ourselves and find a larger sense of self that can contain the contradiction so as not to fragment. Multiplicities and simplicities intermingle and augment one another, making room for the real of the impossible.

As Doug and I look to the next 25 years, questions surface for us around integration. Maybe the despair(s) and disappointment(s) of our institution鈥檚 failures and fragmentations have thrust us headlong into a premature pursuit of integration. Lacking patience, maybe we have looked to resolve that which is irresolvable. Maybe we have chosen blame and shame, rather than engaging in the infinite game (Carse) of the impossible. How could we not?

The ghouls of our past fragmentation keep shrouding us from the essential haunting of our ghosts and shadows. In other words, the real territory of ghosts and shadows gets supplanted by maps and simulations of ghouls gone dissociative. Students confused by the insistence on theological education, donors concerned by progressive policies, staff frustrated by distant faculty, instructors defensively teaching against one another: all of these are symptoms of a system caught (and not always held) by its own impossible mission. But what if this wasn鈥檛 the end of the story? What if better angels call to us from within (the real)? In the words of our president, Dr. J. Derek McNeil, could we continue our work to belong to one another? Could we give up on our (con)quest of integration in service of something deeper and richer? Could we endeavor to reach past the edge of our imagination with a foolish hope that something else could become possible in search of the impossible real?

Durable Beauty

Watch that old fire as it flickers and dies
That once blessed the household and lit up our lives
It shone for the friends and the clinking of glasses
I’ll tend to the flame, you can worship the ashes
-“Ashes” by The Longest Johns

In the state of Washington at the moment, there鈥檚 a burn ban in place鈥攁 ban that is intended to help protect our forests from the fires of careless campers. It is a powerful reminder of the dangers of how untended flames can ravage and destroy. The dream of the founders of 天美视频 was one such flame. It has burned brightly for 25 years with the beauty of 鈥渟erving God and neighbor through transforming relationships,鈥� but it has also burned people in its path. The ghosts and shadows of 天美视频 point to the damage that this flame has wrought, rewriting a narrative of transformation into one of hurt and shame. As we close this short project and look to the next 25 years, we are left with a choice鈥攚e can tend to the flame or we can worship the ashes. We can linger with an ideal, or we can work to engage with the real.

Our previous reflections on ghosts and shadows have circled around the concepts of shame and beauty. There is a beauty that calls to us at this school: A flame that ignited the founders to dream up this institution and that has sparked in each of us as we have joined. But that beauty has also faded, at times, and the flame has flickered. Surviving COVID together, for instance, was one such time when our flame faltered. We have each felt the disintegration of fire-to-ash as the reality of our efforts have often failed to match the dream of our hopes. These losses carry with them the shame of failure鈥攁 shame of having caused harm, of not tending the fire in ways that would or could bring warmth and sustenance to all. The beauty that inspires can鈥檛 be separated from the shame that exposes and hides. Shame and beauty, image and real, ashes and flame鈥攖hese entities have encircled us with and in this project as we have reflected on the ghosts and shadows at the school and its ancestral learning communities. How can we tend to the flame that first called us to this school? How do we hold on when that flame flickers? How do we work to cultivate an enduring beauty?

The hope of enduring (or durable) beauty takes us back to the difference between the image and the real. The danger of a dream is that we will believe we鈥檝e arrived and then work to ensure that everyone else thinks so too鈥攃alcifying the dream into a static image. It is so easy to mistake the image of ourselves for the actuality of ourselves. The image is mesmerizing. It鈥檚 exciting to see oneself in the world鈥攖o be seen as something beautiful. And so the image can captivate us. Like Narcissus staring at his own reflection, we can be lured into adoring our image while our body begins to decay. We can cling to the ashes of an image that was, while the fire dies or blazes out of control. The danger of trying to save the world is one will begin to think of themselves as a savior. And so the image can become the antithesis of the real鈥攖he ashes are not the flame. If we are so taken by how we look from the outside, we forsake how we actually are on the inside.

Thus the image will never quite fit. For example, what does 鈥渓ove well鈥� actually mean in real time? The image is an appearance, not a reality. It is always from someone else鈥檚 view. The real of ourselves, however, is something else. Ghosts and shadows haunt us from the ashes of our past, exposing the gap between the image and reality. At times, our interpretations have missed the mark. Our attempts at equity (or lack thereof) have fallen short. To the extent that we have aligned ourselves with the image of what we wished to be, our ghosts have turned to ghouls鈥攕haming us and pointing to the ashes saying the dream died long ago. Ghouls threaten to tear apart the beautiful image we carry of who we are, and so we ignore, avoid, and hide from them. But if we can hope past our image, if we can faith beyond our appearance鈥攖o a real that is just past our perceptions鈥攖hen maybe we can tend to the flame that first burned in our collective imaginations. Perhaps then we might welcome the ghosts as ancestors, reminding us of who we are, where we鈥檝e been, and helping us actually become something more. More often than we might know or imagine, ancestors hold vigil, lurking as ghosts in shadows, waiting and wanting for their advocacy to be realized.

So an enduring beauty is one that faiths/trusts/hopes beyond the imaginable. It points to the impossible real. Enduring beauty is not protecting an image, but recovering a connection鈥攊ntegrating into a more whole self. It is beauty that saves us, and beauty that sets us free.

Flames are dynamic and so is our dream: the dream to be(come) a learning community in the Pacific Northwest who engages in Christian theological education in new and life-giving ways, the dream to steward a counseling program that trains practitioners to engage with their own lives and stories in ways that pave the way for them to do something similar on behalf of others. The dream to transform, even as we seek transformation with and for others. If we at the school are to strive for an enduring beauty we need to be able to face the shame of our failures and to tell a more whole story of who we have been and where our limitations have been made manifest. We need the ghosts to remind us of what we don鈥檛 want to know. We need for them to champion us from the shadows, and we hold hope that that which is brought into the light is no longer dark, and will become a source of light (Ephesians 5:13).

At a conference recently, a presenter offered a differential between temporal and enduring self-care. It connects with what we鈥檝e been describing with the image and the real as well as the mission of 天美视频鈥攁nd the light it hopes to bring to the darkness around it. We are a school that was founded on and with beauty and desire. The aim of desire is desire itself鈥攁lways moving us towards more, towards the infinite, the eternal, and the Divine. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1). Freedom comes at the intersection(s) of particularity between beauty and shame. If 鈥渢ransforming relationships鈥� is a primary to our mission, then desire and beauty must be at the center. And if desire and beauty are at our heart鈥檚 center, shame will accompany and surround our sanguinity.

The Irish poet and theologian, John O鈥橠onohue, believed that beauty encircles truth. So, in other words, truth without beauty is not true or complete. But here is the thing about beauty: to engage it, one must engage with the particularity of what makes something or someone beautiful. Beauty is specific and can鈥檛 be standardized鈥攊t is unique. And when one engages it, what one will find is that beauty and shame chase after the same thing鈥攑articularity. This indicates that an avoidance of shame is a refusal of beauty. If we fail to listen to the shame that could admonish us and goad us on, we turn our backs on the phoenix that may just rise again from the ashes. How has our hubris kept us from goodness? Where have we chosen power over truth? How has our intolerance for shame and our unwillingness to listen kept us from engaging the horizon(s) of beauty that sprawled out before us?

Flames are particular, and so are the dangers related to such flames. Flames that transform particular objects (like firewood) into ashes render said particularities nondescript and unrecognizable. The interplay of flames and ashes cannot be avoided by an institution or community with transformation as its root value or lifeline. Ashes cannot be avoided when one lights a flame. But much can be done with how one tends to the flame before, during, and after the time(s) in which it鈥檚 been lit.

And so it goes that we find ourselves at the intersections of 25 years. We鈥檝e made it this far (25 years in), and our eyes are on the journey ahead (the next 25 years). As faculty, shame comes at us in two directions: It comes from our history and our predecessors, or the ashes that have accumulated over time. It also comes from those learners who are trying to make their way through graduate programs when society has trained them according to the rules of whiteness (dominance, mastery), consumerism (entertainment, service) capitalism (dissatisfaction), social media (stupification, ala Jonathan Haidt), the multiple fragilities associated with patriarchy, (cancel/call-out culture paired with glorified and protracted adolescence), and a political landscape that only knows how to cultivate identity through opposition and hatred. As such streams merge both in and around us, in the words of our colleague, Dr. Monique Gadson, it鈥檚 our job to be(come) a non-anxious presence in the face of that shame: a people who are willing and able to tolerate and engage the shame that circulates, listening to its direction and admonishment, but not personalizing that which isn鈥檛 personal. And isn鈥檛 that an essential rubric when engaging this way?

Shame is a social emotion. It is an experience of the eyes (per Gershen Kaufman). Shame speaks in particularities, even when it is institutionalized and therefore ubiquitous. For instance, it is particular moments in classrooms in the midst of disruption that linger: it鈥檚 particular words that are spoken or not spoken, it is in the way a question is asked, it is in the way a response is given, that shame leaves its mark. Likewise, beauty lingers in its particularity. Specific ways that words or gazes are held, energies engaged, or stories honored can move mountains and build bridges in ways that were previously unimaginable. And so we see the inherent tensions that abide in the spaces between beauty and shame. If abstraction is the image, then particularity is the real which is ever-evolving and eluding our grasp. We touch it, see it, taste it, but only for a time. And then we are left with its haunt and a decision about what we鈥檒l turn to next. It is only in vulnerability that we make room for the beautiful and enduring real. It is only in vulnerability that our posture remains open to learning: a learning that might just lead to transformation.

So where are you and we called to learn together in this season ahead? What is (y)our fire? What is (y)our desire? What are the particularities of beauty that call to you and to us? Where does shame haunt you and us, and where might it admonish us, if we remained open to the beauty alongside which it resides?

As we prepare for a new cohort to join us, we continue to re-member that every new cohort re-imagines and re-shapes the particularities that make us 天美视频. Our Benedictine friends proclaim: 鈥淎lways we begin again.鈥� Tending a flame is not a static job. Flames require new fuel and more oxygen to stay alive. But beginning again does not mean that we forget our past or we deny our ghosts and shadows, pretending like ghouls and angels don鈥檛 remain ever active and disruptive in and around us. Beginning again means staying connected to the dynamic dream that continues to call to us from the real instead of worshiping the ashes of what once was.

For a long time, the Practicum process was a thumbprint of our curricula here at 天美视频. It was a primary place where transformation was sought, and even sometimes birthed. Sparks lit into flames with countless stories of beauty and growth. But there were times when those flames also burned and scarred鈥攁nd often the most vulnerable were hurt the worst. The ashes of the dream of practicum began piling higher as the fire of what had sparked in the beginning blazed out of control. Tending the flame of our practicum processes required a reimagining and reshaping into something more boundaried and equitable, which includes our newly designed Listening Lab curriculum, where our work is to listen to ourselves listening. Our incoming cohort will be invited to deep listening, with the help and support of their learning community partners around them. No class or curriculum is ever perfect or complete, but we are proud of who and what we are becoming as we all work to listen differently鈥揳nd maybe even more deeply鈥搕han we have before. This project that we have set out on brings us back to the same place: deep listening. Deep listening unto enduring beauty.

There is so much goodness in this place. Good people, good processes, good curricula, and sometimes good coffee. But this goodness is susceptible to being reduced to the ashes of what once was鈥攚orshiping the image and denying the real. Ghosts and shadows call us to the particularity of beauty and shame that sits at the heart of a school that values transformation. We have to tell and retell the stories to which the ghosts and shadows point us, listening into and unto a non-anxious presence that cultivates fire but does so within healthy limits.

Here we have spent a season together in deep listening and reflection. Our hope has been to point to something much more impossible than finding and settling blame. We have hoped for a space wherein streams of shame that flow generationally towards each other can find engagement and restoration in a community, engaging in processes of deep listening with each other in non-personalized, non-defensive, non-anxious ways. Our lineage is one of fire and ashes, ghosts and shadows, ghouls and angels, shame and beauty. Ghosts and shadows can haunt us in ghoulish ways. But they can also point to realities that must be engaged for the transformation made possible through love to have its way.

If you are an alum of this place and your fire burns bright, may it be so! If you are an alum of this place and you find yourself covered with the soot and ashes of a dream that burned you into silence and isolation, may something of your own heart鈥檚 goodness compel you to continue to spark鈥攁nd may you know that you are never alone. For those of us who carry the mantle of faculty and staff, may we tend to the flame of 天美视频. May we honor our ghosts by acknowledging their presence and by engaging with the ancestry to which they return. May we continue to listen to shadows of shame鈥攁nd to the beauty and desire that surrounds it鈥攏ever being defined by what it might tell us, but always being open to what we might hear and discover. May we resist the lure of an image of ourselves and listen instead for the real of who we are and can become.

Add to the conversation: share your thoughts with Dr. Paul Hoard or Dr. Doug Shirley.

The post Ghosts & Shadows: A Conversation Series appeared first on 天美视频 of Theology & Psychology.